Scoffing at all that's holy since 2004 COWARDICE Unsolicited Christian Rhetoric: Panic Fire from Cowards I was once asked by an 82 year-old Christian who dedicated HIS ENTIRE LIFE to preaching the word of god to heathen like me, "Can you afford to be wrong?" I replied, "Can you?" 82 years of egg on your face doesn't wash off easily now, does it? Anyway, this man who thought he had all the answers never provided one.  Instead, he tried to goad me into accepting his god -- a very weak and predictable response.  My, my, my.  We all have our lot to protect, don't we?  Very typical, very sad. What really kills me is how theists clamor about their deeply held sacred beliefs, yet I've met very few who have even an ounce of true pure faith.  Faith is defined as the firm belief in something for which there is no proof.  Christian apologists devote their lives to proving that their god is the one true god.  What kind of faith is that?  Their actions fly in the face of the true definition of faith. I contend that anyone who tries to prove the existence of their god or gods has no real faith at all.  For if they did, they'd be content and secure in what they believe and leave it at that.  The only problem is, no one likes to stand alone in their beliefs (religious and otherwise). The only way these people can maintain those beliefs and not feel silly is to get everyone else to believe the same things.  Simple as that.  So they use bible lore (e.g., Matthew 28:19) as an excuse to "make disciples of all nations" to quell their own fears of standing alone in beliefs that are patently ridiculous.  The silliness they feel dissipates once everyone is on the same page. I can't prove that my parents love me, but I have faith that they do.  (Love is intangible and may certainly be demonstrated, but not concretely proven.)  But here's the thing.  I don't feel compelled to prove anything to anyone.  Why is that?  I am content and secure in my belief that they love me.  And neither do I care if anyone believes that my faith is genuine, nor do I care if anyone believes that my parents actually do love me. So why should it be any different when it comes to belief in a god? The answer is quite simple.  If it turns out that I'm completely wrong and my parents never really loved me, then my intellectual integrity is not compromised.  I'm just a kid who wasn't loved by his parents.  However, if I lived my entire life praising a god that didn't exist, one that was totally imaginary, then I'd be the fool, thoroughly detached from reality, gullible and intellectually challenged -- and we can't have that now, can we? Every time a Christian attempts to prove that their god exists and that their religion is true, the only thing revealed is their lack of true faith.  Each attempt smacks of insecurity about that in which they claim to have faith.  Remember that next time you're the victim of Christian preaching and witnessing -- especially the unsolicited kind.  It's nothing more than panic fire triggered by insecurity. The remedy that Christians seek to this patently obvious truth is their man-made, self-correcting religion filled with all sorts of silly rationalizations, technical loopholes, and excuses to explain why such preaching is required.  Of course, this is just another integral part of their self-reinforced delusion. Mind you, they'll all deny this, and that's fine and well.  I'd never even try to argue that all Christians necessarily engage in this sheepish behavior...consciously, that is. The Subconscious Protects the Conscious Self We often have many motives for doing the things that we do.  So much of what we say and do is triggered by our subconscious mind.  I'm not a psychologist, and I don't claim to be.  What are my qualifications to speak as an authority?  None.  But I'm not speaking as one.  This is common sense, so let's apply a little.  You don't have to shove your head in a bucket of horseshit to know it will stink, and you don't have to be a licensed psychologist to diagnose sheer and obvious lunacy.  Remember our little chat about the Heavens Gate cult?  I'm sure you and I both agree they were totally nuts.  No qualifications necessary. On some level, every theist has doubts about their faith whether it's in their forethought or somewhere deeper in the mind.  And you can remove theists (and religion) from this argument.  That is to say, that we all have doubts about the things we say and do.  The degree to which we doubt varies, and so do our acts (compensation) that are the result of that doubt.  For example, if you just invested a boatload of money in a risky business endeavor or cheated on your spouse you might toss and turn all night and have a hard time falling asleep.  This is the kind of thing we can all relate to.  It's part of the human experience from which no one is immune. There are few "sure things" in life: stock market speculation, marriage, a new career choice, or the eternal question at hand.  There's always some doubt, no matter how miniscule it may be, and that's the essential point. My best friend in high school was a particularly bright, straight "A" college-bound type.  He went to medical school and he's now a successful gastric bypass surgeon.  But back then he was always pushing the envelope to test the limits of peoples convictions. One night, at our standing Saturday night poker game (yeah, we couldn't get dates back then), I witnessed a rather disturbing experiment.  He got one of his father's revolvers (unloaded, of course) and handed it to a fellow named Marc and dared him to point the gun at his head and pull the trigger.  Marc was invited to examine the gun to verify that it wasn't loaded.  Keith encouraged him to point the gun at the floor and pull the trigger 100 times to ensure that it was empty.  Was Marc's faith in his own ability to verify that the gun was truly harmless great enough to risk the consequences of being wrong?  He quickly handed the gun back to Keith and told him to go perform a certain sexual act with himself.  There's always doubt.  Always.  Just for the record, I certainly don't encourage this kind of crazy behavior, but I doubt you'd pull that trigger either.  I sure as hell wouldn't.  (Pardon the pun.) When it comes down to the big serious stuff, the kind of stuff you can't undo, it's always safest to play it safe and hedge your bets, right?  Such is the case with the question of your place in eternity and those embrace and promote the silly notion called Pascal's Wager.  We'll get back to this in just a bit. We all understand that the brain is a powerful organ.  For example, the power of positive thought can effect our health in positive ways.  (Negative thought can have the opposite affect, like when you worry yourself sick.) Our subconscious is the autopilot part of our mind.  You know when you're driving down the freeway and you zone-out for a mile or two?  Then you regain your focus, but you don't recall exiting the freeway or passing the library.  The conscious mind can detach itself from the body.  Your body did the mechanical stuff (accelerated, braked, shifted, turned), some part of your subconscious mind did the navigating, and some other part did the fanaticizing about [insert object of desire here].  The bottom line is that we often do things that our subconscious mind controls. Here's an extreme example that's well-established: Ask any psychologist to profile a hooker or porn actress, and 100-to-1 you'll likely hear about someone who was molested as a child.  There's no conscious thought that says, "I was molested by my father when I was a kid, so I think I'll become a hooker or do porn."  There's a deeply rooted psychological cause-and-effect at work.  Ask the hooker why she hooks and you won't likely hear mention of her molestation.  You'll get a myriad of "excuses" as to why she does what she does, but the real reason will remain safely tucked away in her subconscious mind.  Granted, this is an extreme example, but it illustrates my point. I don't expect a theist to admit that they're fearful of standing alone in their faith, and that's why they try to convert others to their belief system.  I'm asserting that they aren't even aware that they're doing this.  In the spirit of fairness I'll concede that it works the other way, too.  You could fairly argue that someone like myself, an atheist, might do the same.  The difference is that I have no desire to convert anyone.  I don't want anyone to abandon their religious beliefs.  As I've already mentioned,  I just object to all the crusading. Many Christians use the built-in excuse that they're instructed by Saint Matthew (and others) to spread the word, but it is nothing more than just that -- a very convenient excuse.  Okay, I can't help but chuckle at the utterly insane thought of comparing a theist to a hooker either, but an excuse is an excuse.  The subconscious mind is at work in all of us. Welcome to the Christian Learning Annex A Free Educational Service Courtesy of the Godless Bastard HOW TO WITNESS     Help Thy Neighbor There's a common driving practice that involves flashing ones headlights to warn oncoming drivers of police looking to catch speeders.  (Unbelievably, this practice is avoided in certain parts of the country due to silly urban legends about a gang initiation rite that involves shooting at a driver who flashes his lights.) The big question is, why do people engage in this practice?  Why do we do it?  At first thought, the obvious answer is to save some poor slob from getting a speeding ticket.  Some people are motivated by the desire to screw the police by foiling their attempt to ticket someone.  Generally, I think most are just trying to help out the little guy, at least at the conscious level. I think there's more to it, though, if not at the conscious level, certainly the subconscious level.  Try to extrapolate the act.  Think about it for a moment.  Ask yourself if there's another, deeper reason why we do this. I think we do this not just to help out the guy who's about to get a ticket, but also to help ourselves.  When you flash your lights you're helping someone you probably don't know, most likely someone you'll never even meet face to face.  Hell, you might not even like this person, but you do it anyway.  Why is that?  I know that I do it not just to help out the other guy, but also in the hopes that if we all work together, someday someone will do the same for me in an act of reciprocity.  I wash your back, you wash mine.  That is, when we help others, we also help ourselves.  When we protect others, we also protect ourselves.  This principle applies to many aspects of life. Partners in Delusion In order to protect ourselves, we have to act publicly.  In this example, we have to flash our lights for all to see.  That's how we learn.  If I do it, others see, they will eventually catch on, they will eventually follow suit, and we all benefit.  That's how we protect one another.  If it's not a public display, then the whole thing is for naught.  If you don't flash your lights, the guy will get a ticket.  We'll all get a ticket.  Again, this logic applies to many aspects of life. People who believe in god often do this.  Religious fanatics constantly do this.  They have to.  This is how they protect themselves.  This is how they keep themselves from looking and feeling foolish -- again, at the subconscious level. As I mentioned before, any sane adult would feel foolish believing in the Easter Bunny unless, of course, everyone else did.  So religious people flash their theistic headlights in a public display of faith in order to protect each other and, therefore, help themselves.  They flash their fish and dove logos on the backs of their cars.  Their bumper stickers proclaim... Real Men Love Jesus My Boss is a Jewish Carpenter No Jesus, No Peace.  Know Jesus, Know Peace. God said it, I believe it, that settles it! That settles it?  Well alrighty then.  And I'm the philosophically arrogant one?  Right. I find it amusing that so many of their symbols are displayed so prominently on their cars.  Sort of a virtual flashing of their headlights, don't you think?  They flash their crucifix necklaces and dashboard statues.  They distribute their prayer cards in our parks, their bibles in our hotels.  They spray their graffiti upon our currency ("In God We Trust") and soothe each sneeze with a courteous "god bless you."  This is a patently public display of faith.  This is how they make themselves easily identifiable.  This is how they flash their headlights.  This is how they protect themselves.  For some, it's their subconscious intellect-saving instinct at work but, regardless, for most theists the ultimate intent and modus operandi remains the same. When confronted with this argument, Christians, for example, will start quoting specific bible verses that allude to their responsibility to spread "The Word."  Again, nice excuse.  Their words and actions serve but one true and ultimate purpose: they are the manifestation of a desperate, subconscious attempt to ensure the theistic safety that membership in the club provides. Think about it.  How could anyone possibly feel silly or foolish believing in god and all those ridiculous bible stories when so many other people who also believe surround them? MENTAL MASTURBATION FOR THE RELIGIOUSLY DELUDED Lesson One Repeat the following paragraph over and over again (and perform the indicated bodily gestures) until you firmly convince yourself that god exists: How can you possibly call me crazy for believing in god?  Look!  [point an index finger at the mindless masses]  He believes and she believes and they believe!  I'm not alone!  You think I'm some lunatic who's lost touch with reality because I believe in an all-powerful supreme being who sits upon his heavenly throne way up in the sky, who created everything in the universe in just six twenty-four hour days, who had an earthly son born of a virgin mother, who walked on water, who healed the blind with a touch of his hand, who raised himself as well as others from the dead, and performed countless other seemingly impossible feats?  [fold arms in defiance and tap a foot impatiently]  Well, Mr. Atheist, answer me this:  How can I possibly be wrong if everyone else believes as I do? How can I possibly call you crazy?  Because your belief in god is a self-reinforced delusion, and dragging others into it doesn't change that.  Lunacy, like misery, loves (and needs) company to prosper. And how could you possibly be wrong?  For all the same reasons that I could possibly be right. I Won't Believe Your Eyes (Even Though You Do) For most people who want so desperately for something to be true it invariably becomes their reality (and therefore their truth) solely by virtue of their desperation.  Desperate people are generally immune from feeling silly, but those who aren't need to find [read: manufacture] some proof to back them up and squelch that intellect-killing silliness.  And no one on this planet is better at manufacturing proof than your average, garden variety Born-Again Christian. Knowledge is observed fact verified by repeatable experiment.  Belief is the conclusions you draw about the order of things based on your observations and those of others.  The problem most people have is that they limit their input of observations to those that match their prejudices.  Basically, people see what they want to see.  It's called the confirmation bias in psychology.  We all do it.  We all look for confirming evidence and ignore disconfirming evidence to support our beliefs.  It's a natural phenomenon.  This is why people are so hell bent (pardon the pun) on proving the existence of their god. "Faith may be defined briefly as an illogical belief in the occurrence of the improbable.  A man full of faith is simply one who has lost (or never had) the capacity for clear and realistic thought.  He is not a mere ass: he is actually ill." - H.L. Mencken Theists: The Faithless Faithful On some level, perhaps subconsciously, theists inherently feel silly believing in the seemingly impossible and must feel part of the whole in order to quiet their latent insecurities.  I doubt there are many who would have the courage to maintain their faith openly (or even in secret) if they were to wake one morning and find themselves standing completely alone in their beliefs. Religion is supposed to be a deeply personal thing, but theist love to publicize their belief system and paint it upon everyone.  They use words like we, us, and our in a very cavalier manner when it comes to expressions of what should be very personal religious beliefs: The Lord Our God Our Lord and Savior God Give Us Strength Heaven Help Us Theists have even managed to shove their beliefs into biological functions (as offered in response to a sneeze and passed off as courtesy): God Bless You! Theists, specifically Christians, have institutionalized references to their god: In God We Trust In the Year of Our Lord Such arrogance!  In god we trust?  Who exactly is this "we" they're referring to?  Who are they speaking for?  I have lots of money, but I don't share that belief.  So why is it forced on me?  And tell me, which of the many gods that are honored and praised around the world do "we" have all this great trust in?  One of the Hindu deities, perhaps? I wonder how Christians would feel if all their $20 bills read: In Vishnu We Trust And I would just love to see their reaction to: One nation, under Krishna, with liberty and justice for all... Seems to me that this kind of theistic "we" bravado exists to provide intellectual safety for those who do believe.  And they, quite unfortunately, represent the vast majority. The majority won't stand alone in its faith simply because with its numbers it simply doesn't have to.  I've been an atheist all my adult life and I've stood (nearly) alone in my beliefs for most of that time.  I don't feel compelled to speak for anyone else.  I never use we, us, or our with regard to my beliefs -- and there are 20 million (admitted) atheists and agnostics who share my beliefs in the United States alone!  You see, people with true faith and conviction aren't afraid to use words like "I" when referring to statements of belief. I have enough faith in my beliefs to stand alone, so why can't the majority?  Because it's just nice to have someone around to back you up.  Hey, who really likes eating alone anyway? Plan B: The Cowardly Sneak-Attack Many Christians try to covertly entice others into joining their little club.  Next time you go to In-N-Out Burger, pick up a soft drink cup, turn it upside down* and look on the inside rim.  You will see "John 3:16".  It is literally the smallest part of the cup, and if you think they chose it for no particular reason then you're an idiot.  It's intentional, covert, and the act of a coward. This passage from the New Testament reads: "For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that so whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life." Now, the fine folks at In-N-Out would have a Sunday school teacher armed with various written propaganda stationed at the front door of each of their restaurants if they actually thought it would convert people, but they're not quite that stupid.  They know that all the patrons want is a burger, some fries, and a diet Coke -- and they want it fast so they can get the hell out of there.  So the owners cut their losses and took what they could get.  Like cowards, they decided to force (albeit covertly) their unsuspecting patrons to take a little bit of god with them.  This allows them to delude themselves into believing that they are actually spreading god's (alleged) word.  Perhaps they even believe that this act ensures them a place in heaven. * The Godless Bastard is not responsible for damages incurred by those too stupid to make sure the cup is empty first. Please note that their covert Christian rhetoric doesn't end with the soft drink cups.  Many of their items are packaged (paper wrapped) with bible verses.  Also, in front of every In-N-Out location you will find a pair of crossed palm trees (logo), which clearly represent the Christian cross. Needless to say, I now get my burgers elsewhere...extra cheeses, hold the Jesus.  Welcome to the Islam Learning Annex A Free Educational Service Courtesy of the Godless Bastard HOW TO TEACH THE INFIDELS A LESSON     The Last Resort: Go Ahead. I Dare You! Sometimes you'll hear theists argue that it's better to follow their religion than to be an atheist, simply because if the atheist is right nothing happens when he dies, but if the theist is right he goes to heaven while the atheist goes to hell.  This is called Pascal's Wager (named after the brilliant yet religiously deluded French philosopher Blaise Pascal who authored it).  His argument is faulty and therefore invalid for several reasons.  But first, here's an example of the pure cowardice that embraces it... A former Christian coworker, Rodger, once made me his conversion pet project.  He hounded me with his silly Jesus rhetoric for 5 years.  The more I fleered and rejected his offerings, the harder he preached.  I'm a bit ashamed to admit this, but I enjoyed watching his frustration mount.  You'd think he would eventually sense the futility of the situation and save his time and energy for a more productive endeavor, but he was one resilient little bastard.  (It's no surprise he was in sales!)  He used to tell me how he spent his evenings formulating his plan of attack to prove his god's existence to me.  If he had a modicum of common sense he would have walked away in search of weaker prey.  However, eventually, in a pathetic act of desperation and shear cowardice, he resorted to daring/scaring/goading me into accepting Christ.  Like a mindless robot, he regurgitated the following cowardly, sheepish, bet-hedging, if you can't beat 'em join 'em mantra (below), just like the one thousand times he probably rehearsed it in his head. MENTAL MASTURBATION FOR THE RELIGIOUSLY DELUDED Lesson Two Repeat the following paragraph over and over again (preferably with a monotone iambic pentameter lilt, almost like you're chanting) until you firmly convince yourself that believing in god is the safe bet. If you accept Christ and there is no god, then you have nothing to lose. If you reject Christ and there is no god, then you have nothing to lose. If you accept Christ and there is a god, then you have everything gain. If you reject Christ and there is a god, then you have everything to lose. All you have to do is accept him and you can't possibly lose! Very good!  Now you sound just like Rodger. How can anyone call this faith?  How pathetic.  Talk about playing it safe!  This is the mentality of someone who doesn't know what true faith is.  Accepting any god just to play it safe is the act of a coward, someone who is afraid to stand alone with his beliefs (or lack thereof).  When I asked him if his god was all knowing, he replied, "Of course."  I said, "Well, then, he would know that I'm accepting him just to play it safe.  Don't you think he would be just a little insulted by such disingenuousness and damn me anyway because I tried to pull one over on him?"   He stammered a few times, mumbled something unintelligible and walked away.  Rodgers all-knowing god must be so proud of him.  Bravo, Rodger!  Bravo!  At any rate, his incessant preaching stopped when he left the company.  Amen! Don't be blind like Rodger.  See how Pascal's Wager is weak and filled with holes. Pascal's Wager: A Closer Look What follows is a textbook example of how Christians use Pascal's Wager to make themselves feel better about their own faith-related insecurities and the fear of possibly being wrong. From: cardiackid65@sbcglobal.net Sent: Wednesday, June 21, 2006 4:02 PM Subject: Feedback Well I do commend you on your strong convictions. I myself am of the belief of Christ as my lord and savior. It's unfortunate you've been given such a message that you have interpreted as "hate mail". I'm not going to preach at you or try and sway you in my direction in any way, shape or form. It is quite obvious that you have gotten the message and choose to reject it. I understand that you are very happy and satisfied with your life and beliefs. I am too. Happier than you can imagine. (or perhaps you can) What really seperates us though fundementally is this: I believe that when I die, I go to heaven. You believe that when you die, that's it. Game over. Seeing that we have now both professed our belief or lack thereof in an afterlife, I have to say that I have a bit of an advantage over you. If you're right, when I die, that's it. I will have lived a happy life and hopefully, did some good things for the world. Guess what though, I'll never know the difference and STILL have had a happy life just like you. On the other hand, if I'm right, I go to heaven and live eternally happy AFTER my happy life here on earth. Unfortunately, based on my beliefs of your "enlightend" view of things, your afterlife doesn't look so peachy. I'm sure you're VERY aware of the Christian beliefs on what happens to people with your point of view. So, in the end, lets tally the score cards: If you're right, we both live happy productive lives here on earth and then we die. Sounds like a tie game to me so far... If I'm right, then I go on living eternally after I die. I don't have to go into detail what would happen to you. You've heard enough fire, brimstone, hell and damnation already. In the end, I have everything to gain and nothing to lose based on my belief whether I'm right OR wrong. You unfortunately, aren't afforded the same "tie game" if you're wrong. It is what it is. Not going to try and convert you to ANYTHING. Hey, I even admire you're conviction in your belief and your admission that you're willing to let me go on with mine. That's quite admirable! I acknowlege your bad experiences with the hell and damnation "bible thumpers" you've encountered and it saddens me that the message you've gotten seems to be of hate when that's not at ALL what the God I believe in is about. Good luck to you. If you'd like to talk about other subjects, feel free to shoot me an email! Tony Adams Don't you just love how he tells me TWICE that he's not trying to convert me or preach to me.  Tell me folks, is he self-deceiving, clueless, or just a really bad liar?  I can hear him repeating his mantra over and over again in his head as if to convince himself, just one more time, that he's on the right track. Sad and insecure, folks.  It's just sad and insecure. Congratulations!  You've just been introduced to the cowardly, faithless world of Christian Apologetics, courtesy of Rodger.  Now visit his Comrades in Cowardice in The Hall of Shame. Copyright © 2004 The Godless Bastard. All Rights Reserved.