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 Scoffing at all that's holy since 2004

HALL OF SHAME

Enjoy the sad, desperate rantings of those too afraid to stand alone in their faith
and other anti-atheist vermin who hassled the Godless Bastard.

Kieffe and Sons Ford: Bible-Punching Jackasses
It appears that Kieffe and Sons Ford doesn't particularly think too highly of atheists, and they were actually DUMB enough to promote that opinion in their radio broadcast ads.  The Execs on Madison Avenue might disagree with this move, but the Kieffe boys have Jesus on their side -- and Jesus sells!  Okay, here we go...

 

Transcript: "Did you know that there are people in this country who want prayer out of schools, 'Under God' out of the Pledge, and 'In God We Trust' to be taken off our money? But did you know that 86% of Americans say they believe in God? Since we all know that 86 out of every 100 of us are Christians, who believe in God, we at Kieffe & Sons Ford wonder why we don't tell the other 14% to sit down and shut up. I guess I just offended 14% of the people who are listening to this message. Well, if that is the case then I say that's tough, this is America folks, it's called free speech. None of us at Kieffe & Sons Ford is afraid to speak out. Kieffe & Sons Ford on Sierra Highway in Mojave and Rosamond, if we don't see you today, by the grace of God, we'll be here tomorrow."

Article: Kieffe & Sons Ford Want Atheists to Sit Down and Shut Up

They did place a non-explanation (which didn't address the actual offense) and an insincere apology (but no retraction) on their Contact Us page:

This statement is provided in response to reaction prompted by a radio commercial that Kieffe & Sons Ford recently ran referring to issues of God in our schools and on our money.

"For 15 years, Kieffe and Sons Ford has run ad campaigns that focus on current events. We have chosen to do this rather than presenting typical car sales ads. We do this through an agency that develops the material and sends us a package of commercials to review. From this, we select commercials that we distribute to area radio stations. Frequently we emphasize humor and patriotic themes, as we are located adjacent to two military bases. Public response over these 15 years has been hugely positive, often eliciting calls and visits from appreciative individuals. Regrettably, the commercial that has prompted the current objection to religious sentiment ("Under God", "In God We Trust") was not closely reviewed by our dealership before it went live. The commercial has been replaced. We apologize to all who were offended. It is Kieffe and Sons' intention to support America and the freedoms that make this country great."

I sent them an email telling them in my own very special way what I thought of them.  Their response was one sentence in the email subject line:

"You are going to hell for sure."

Why don't you send the fellas a note yourself and see what words of divine wisdom they have for you.  They can be reached at ksf@kieffeandsons.com  Fun!

I generally don't find myself in their neighborhood (you'd understand why if you knew where Mojave was), but they're only 70 miles from my home in Los Angeles.  But I'll stop by and say hello if my travels ever take me there.  Test drive anyone?

When Bullies Run For Cover
I receive threats of physical violence all the time, but this one pissed me off so much that I couldn't let it slide.

If you're not familiar with our Spam-a-Fundy feature, check it out first.  You submit an email address and the system automatically pumps out a snarky message to smack the desired recipient upside the head and direct them to this site.  It's annoying, perfectly legal, and an unfortunate byproduct of the internet.  Deal with it as I do.

Someone submitted the address of Mr. Tough Guy (below) and he saw fit to threaten me with physical violence through an anonymous guestbook entry.  He signed the entry with his first name only (Brad) and a fake email address.  (Remember this as there's some stunning irony coming your way shortly.)

IP:    70.73.41.175
Date:  Thursday, March 25, 2010 1:46 AM
Name:  Brad
Email:
spam@godlessbastard.com

Where do you live?
Canada

What is your religious affiliation?
Catholic

How did you find the Godless Bastard?
Some POS [piece of shit] spam...classy.lol

Comments:
Looking for some Godless punk to "go" with. Anywhere, anytime. I've beaten the crap out of a few heathens before, but I've noticed the vast majority are just spineless punks, who, when confronted, push their small balls back into their spineless abdomen. So, I'm looking for someone to talk shit in person and deal with the outcome.

IRONY ALERT #1: Whoa.  Let me get this straight.  Did this moron just say that I'll have to "deal with the outcome?"  Really?  Brad, are you sure you want to say something so profoundly reckless to a total stranger?  That's a pretty risky move dude.  Also, you said you're "looking for some [Godless] punk to 'go' with?"  Ya know, that sounds awfully gay.  Are you repressing something there big fella?  (But hey, who am I to judge?  I'm just sayin'.)

So it appears that our schoolyard bully read this part of my FAQ, and after asking his wife (or maybe it was his mommy) what "extrapolate" meant he figured out that such threats don't rattle me.  He stewed in it for a short while and then returned to my guestbook and posted the following:

Aw, never mind. Just saw something in the FAQ that I was right about your balls not dropping yet. But honestly, don't you find it tough to go through life as a coward? Maybe you're not living like a man, but you can still go out as one. Good luck.

IRONY ALERT #2: This guy signed my guestbook with his first name only and a fake email address and then calls me a coward?  I'm sorry, but who exactly is the coward?  And I don't know about you, but "maybe you're not living like a man, but you can still go out as one" sounds a lot like a death threat to me.  What exactly do you mean by "go out" Brad?  It would appear that you either want to kill me or date me, and I'm not crazy about either option.

But what this world-class thinker didn't know was that he unintentionally revealed his true identity by posting his first name in my guestbook.  All I did was match it up to the most recent email addresses submitted to the automated system by date/time stamp.  (It was impossible to miss as his email address is his full name.)  I chose not to publish any of his contact information or picture, all of which are publicly available on the internet with a simple Google search of his name, all free and legal.

Ladies and gentleman, meet internet tough guy, Brad Swidzinski.

As hard as it may be to believe, Brad once worked as spokesman for Calgary Police Services.  I can't imagine why he's no longer there [dripping with sarcasm] but feel free to draw your own conclusions.  Now he works in the mortgage biz.

So I sent Brad an email cautioning him that making threats of physical violence to total strangers is quite possibly the dumbest thing a person can do.  And then being the philanthropist that I am, I offered my sexual services to his wife as he's probably incapable of delivering the goods on his own.  (Okay, that was hitting below the belt and a little childish, but the asshat deserved it.)

Anyway, I told him that I'd honor his request to meet me and give him a chance to show me how tough he really was.  But stupid is as stupid does.  This cyber-bully who warned me that I might have to "deal with the outcome" never considered for one second that perhaps such violent threats (if made public to the right people) might not only sully his professional reputation, but that he might also face some serious legal hassles (if reported to the police).  Apparently this former spokesman for law enforcement doesn't know that spam isn't a justifiable excuse for physical assault.  Either he's a wannabe rogue cop or Calgary Police Services needs to revamp its training program.

While I confess that I can be a colossal prick at times, I do have my moments of fairness.  So after taking a few minutes to rethink my response, I figured I'd show him more grace than your average Christian would extend to a baby-eating atheist like me.  I sent him a VERY sincere apology for my sexually insulting comment toward his wife and retracted my heavy-handed (but wholly justified) strike to his reputation.

As if he couldn't make things any worse, Brad replied in two separate emails:

Oh, you have my name. What's yours? Or are you going to hide all your pathetic life? Where and when?

IRONY ALERT #3: Yet again, this idiot threatens me with physical violence behind the veil of guestbook anonymity...and I'm the one who's hiding?  Riiiight.

I'm going to Vegas soon. I'll swing by LA. Give me your address.

First, we ALL know you have no plans to go to Vegas anytime soon.  Second, even you did, we ALL know that you'd never "swing by LA" at your own expense only to end up in jail, thus ruining your (alleged) trip to Vegas.  Third, even if you were to swing by, how DUMB must you be to think that you could stomp on my turf, take a physically aggressive posture with me, and have any chance of walking away unscathed?  Are you really that confident, or do you think I'm really that careless?

Take this to heart.  If you're dumb enough to come after me in the same way you have "beaten the crap out of a few heathens before" [your exact words] then count on going home to Calgary with your teeth in a bag.  Not on my turf son.  It's called self-defense, and I'd be well prepared.

Know that Mr. Swidzinski has yet to offer anything that even smacks of an apology even after I extended an olive branch and offered a truce.  In fact, quite the opposite is true.  This muttonhead actually has the temerity to now threaten me with police action.  Can you believe the balls on this guy?  He wrote:

Hey asshole. You tracked me down. Nice. Didn’t know you were so disturbed. Did you track me down when I was with the police too?

If you did, then you will take this seriously.  I sent your threatening e-mail (which you talked about raping my wife?  Remember?) to the local police to see if they felt a crime had been committed… no shit. Uttering threats is what we call it here. This, subsequently, would allow them to warrant your Internet provider and push you out of your hole to get your identity.  No kidding.

I blocked your email after that as they the officer I spoke with said not to have any more contact with you. This is the last one. Promise.

The BEST thing you can do for yourself is go away and hope the local police don’t pursue this. Or, provide some more evidence for them on your Web site – thanks for letting me know. Your call.  (PS, every electronic transmission sent or received in the province is kept by the provider by law, forever – not the contents but the day, time, etc… it’s going to be hard to argue that you’re not threatening my wife when you’re initiating contact..)  Goodbye.

My, my, my, well isn't that nice.  Now Brad's accusing me of threatening to rape his wife!  Who would have guessed?  But no, I don't think so.  I believe what I told you was that I'd do her a favor with her begging consent (after you beat the crap out of me, of course).  Please, for the love of god, get it straight.  (No folks, I'm not proud of any of this childishness, but it really rubs me the wrong way when Christians threaten me.)

Okay, so it's clear that Brad is crapping his pants because he threatened the wrong guy, and now he's scrambling for an out with some poorly executed misdirection.  (Pssst.  Not gonna work Brad.)  All you had to do was apologize.  And unlike what any Christian would extend, the offer is still open.

By the way, I wonder if Bradley told the cops that he admitted to beating the crap out of other heathen before.  Hmmm.  And I also wonder if he told them that he threatened to COME TO CALIFORNIA JUST TO BEAT THE CRAP OUT OF ME before I even uttered one word to him.  Not that it matters (it doesn't) because he never talked to the cops.  He's not that stupid.  Quite frankly, I wish he was.  But he should take heed that he's not the only one with law enforcement contacts.  I can call in a favor too, so go ahead and posture all you want.  Have your (probably fake) attorney buddies send all the hollow cease and desist emails you want.  I'll only post them here on the site.  You don't have a case and you don't scare me.  Not even a little.

Now go crawl back into your little bully hole, Swidzinski.  You're a wet paper bag with a bad cop haircut.  (Yeah, I saw the picture.)  I'm neither impressed nor intimidated by your bravado, so consider yourself lucky.  This is the worst of my intended response to your threat.

If you choose to contact Brad, do so on your on accord and at your own risk.

Gail Force Windbag
Sit back and enjoy a brief trip into the Twilight Zone of unsolicited reader feedback.  I present to you three very unintelligent people who chose to provoke the wrong person.  But first an explanation about who these three muttonheads are and how we came to meet...

While surfing the web one night I stumbled upon another one of those lovely Christian websites.  Oh joy!  But before leaving to shower off the filth of my sin and damnation, I signed their guestbook.

Now anyone with half a brain knows that a guestbook is a solicitation for feedback.  You don't want feedback?  Don't put up a guestbook.  Got it?  So I answered each and every one of their questions completely and honestly.  But apparently someone didn't care much for what I had to say (of course I was less than complimentary), so they sent me an email to give me a piece of their mind.

Warning: What ensued was a childish pissing contest, but the offenders needed moment of pause.  And you'll see from their change in tone that that's exactly what they received.  Maybe they'll think twice next time, maybe they won't.  Regardless, no atheist should let anyone who spews religious rhetoric go unchecked.  Ever.

I received a letter from someone using the email address of a woman named Judy Convertino.  Later she claimed to be someone else (Gail Wilkins), which in all fairness later turned out to be true.  One way or another, I have the right to post 'em as I receive 'em.  If you don't want to drag someone else into a big mess then don't use their name or email address -- with or without their consent.

Not knowing she was about to pick a fight with the wrong guy, she wrote...

From: Judy Convertino [address withheld]
Sent: Saturday, September 01, 2007 10:20 AM
Subject: GuestBook

I am so sorry that you are so filled with so much hurt and misery that you find it necessary to share your heart with others.  I am sorry that you  are such a weak person that you cannot even find true friends that you can share your misfortunate blabbering with, You are an emotionally challenged person.  No wonder you do not think there is a God, you are too tied up in yourself and what a wonderful being you are that you can't see beyond your own nose.

Who do you think gave you that nose to breath the aromas of the flowers?
Who do you think gave you a tongue to speak with?  A body that is presumably healthy?

I do know there is a God.  He is a living and loving God but He can also be a fierce warring God.  You need to get your mental status in check quickly or He is going to do it for you.  He can obliterate you in a second.  You need to seek Him and acknowledge him and I know if you do not you will be so sorry.

Goodbye Bastard,,,Remember He loves you and so do I.

The Word of Christ
http://www.geocities.com/judy29730

This email triggered a chain of responses between me, Gail Wilkins, Wanda Lopez, and the real Judy Convertino (who eventually spoke up via email).  I received nearly 30 emails from the three of them collectively.  Some were only a sentence or two, but there are far too many to post here.  I'll share with you the scariest, the funniest, and the most vulgar.  I admit that I egged them on, but the fact that they were incapable of walking away quietly is the compelling factor.  Let their words be a shining example of Christian piety, faith, and strength.

After thrashing her about in my usual Godless Bastard way, she replied...

From: Judy Convertino [address withheld]
Sent: Saturday, September 01, 2007 3:33 PM
Subject: Re: GuestBook

Just a little note to let you know that you should put the name Gail on the letter when you post it as I was I her room-mate that wrote the response and not Judy.  I am not someone that goes around calling people names.....check the original reference again.  I know that there is a God, and He lives forever more and so shall I.  I also know that unless you accept this fact that you will stand before him and when you admit He does exist then you will be thrown into the lake of fire.  You have to live your life for the purpose for which it was intended....and that is to serve God.  He is a kind and loving God but He also is a fierce and jealous God and you are putting others before Him and He will not allow that to happen.  Please, take heed.  He does love you, as I, Gail, do.  I care about you and your soul.....and I pray you do wake up out of your pretend world and come around into the spiritual realm before it is too late.

God bless you my dear lost brother.

Gail

If you wish to address me personally please feel free to write me at gmw2466@usa.net.  Check out my website also.... http://cambridgedove.com for more verifiable information on the TRUTH.

Dear lost brother?  Okay, now she's just asking for it.  Also remember that she's "not someone that goes around calling people names."  (Just wait until you read the next email below.)

Before we continue, here's a little 411 on Gail from Jesus is is Lord Prayer Ministries:

"My only goal in this life is to bring souls to Christ Jesus and spread the gospel to all  I can...I do not like secular TV, news--except World News, and do not participate in any thing secular. Jesus is my husband and we have a Beautiful relationship!!! My health prevents a lot of getting things done on time, but I just pray my way through it. I have three children--all girls that need prayer--and four beautiful grandchildren. I am truly blessed."

Jesus is her husband?  Hmmm.  I wonder why...

Anyway, then we swapped a few brief emails where I insulted her, she insulted me, lather, rinse, repeat.  Then I advised her to seek some of that "male companionship" she's been missing out on for all these years.  You know, it might put a smile on her face, maybe wash away some of that Christian angst, quench her fire and brimstone demeanor.  Look, I was trying to get the poor gal laid.  Then I told her I'd think of her while I was doing likewise later that evening.  I must have struck a nerve as she replied:

From: Judy Convertino [address withheld]
Sent: Saturday, September 01, 2007 6:10 PM
Subject: Re: GuestBook

From Gail

I have been "fucked" so many tunes it is unreal.  But it truly never gave me the pleasure that serving my living God does,  it is just a "human feeling"...
Go out and fornicate tonight....wonder why you don't marry the bitch.
Is it because it is just one in a line of whores that you plan to "fuck" all your life.
You are fucked up in the head.
Gail
You are just like every single man in the universe....all you do is think about your sexual desires and use your penis to think with instead of your brain.
Now...I know why you don't serve God....He ain't down there.

gb-06 gail wilkins.jpg

Okay, so the curtain's been pulled way back and what we see behind it ain't pretty.  (Yes, that's Gail in the picture to the left.  And, no, that's not my Photoshop handywork you behold.  That picture came right off her public photo-share account.)

Hands up.  Any man haters in the house?  (Jesus is exempt, apparently.)  And that language!  Tell me Gail, you kiss your mother with that mouth?  Everyone who knows me knows I swear like a sailor, but at least I don't represent otherwise.

So my girlfriend (who she never even met and whose name she doesn't even know) is a whore.  And I'm "fucked in the head."  (Isn't she a little ray of sunshine?)  But I find this declaration a tad confusing as she just told me she's not the kind to go around calling people names.  But hey, Christians seem to make up their own rules and I'm just not privy to the guidelines of their hypocrisy.  Perhaps there's some sort of name-calling loophole in the bible that I'm not aware of.  You know, I'm pretty sure that Jesus referred to Timothy as "that limp-dicked doubting douchebag."

But see, folks?  This is what my website is all about.  Push, poke, prod, offend.  Offend them as they offend me.  Then sit back and watch how they respond.  And the funny part is, they're incapable of acknowledging that I'm completely justified in giving them a taste of their own medicine.  They're justified in offending, I'm not.  Simple as that.  They rationalize it all away because they think I need to be saved.  Hypocrites.  And here's your proof.  She was the first to click that Send button in a wholly unsolicited manner and then has the temerity to write...

From: Judy Convertino [address withheld]
Sent: Monday, September 03, 2007 5:45 PM
Subject: Re: GuestBook

Hey, idiot, you are the one who started all this....or is your brain so small you can't remember that?

I gave Gail a chance to get out of this mess with a simple apology, but instead she opted to continue provoking me.  And then she went running to some woman named Wanda Lopez in the hopes that maybe she could scare me into getting off her case.

Wanda thought she'd step in and put me in my place...

From: Wanda Lopez [777wanda@bresnan.net]
Sent: Monday, September 03, 2007 5:52 PM
Subject: From Wanda - President of The Cornerstone Connection - that house sites for Judy
             Convertino and Gail Wilkins!

Well, Well, Well Mr. B.  I have certainly come up against some very skeptical people in my day, but sir: "YOU Take The Cake!"  May I introduce myself?  I'm sure it won't make much difference to you, but I have to do what I feel is best, just like you do sir!  Why?   Because we all care about you!

To start I began The Cornerstone Connection in 2002 as a magazine.  As you may know, it is now an online magazine, because you must be somewhat intelligent to have such a misleading web site!  I say that in love, but it is the truth!

Judy Convertino, Gail Wilkins and Bruce Prescott are the web masters for my site.  From this moment on I would appreciate you directing all your delusional aspects to me~ I absolutely will not pretend to go along with your suicide mission.  Everyone concernered with this web site will be praying for you.  You cannot run from God- "He" will catch you!  Judy, Gail, Bruce, our prayer partners, and yes, myself- will be praying for you.  You shall see Mr. B- God has a way of getting your attention.  "He" also has a way of getting the attention of Christians when they sway by the way side.  Mr. B- do you think we are perfect because we are believers and Christians?  We are human also sir, and God will chastise his children when they are doing something they shouldn't be doing.  I do pray as well as every member of this ministry that you find Christ and salvation before it is too late.  I do not pretend to be perfect Mr. B- but I know where and from whom my answer will come from.  What a lonely life you must lead by capturing the attention of the ungodly to prove your point for your own recognition.   We do not hold animosity toward anyone, however, if you come against the army of God you shall be considered in our prayers and sir you cannot stop us from praying for you!

All I can do is pray that you are not left here during the tribulation!  If you are Mr. B only one thing I ask of you?  Once half the world has disappeared and you are left here to face the existing tactics of the antichrist and all the things the bible, yes, "The Bible", tells you, you cannot say you have not been warned.

You see, I had an uncle that was an atheist!  My cousin was approximately the same age as me and was killed in a car accident.  My aunt was a believer in Christ, but my uncle believed nothing!  The most hurtful thing I remember from my early twenties was when my cousin had his funeral in a small church in the town we lived in.  My aunt was there but where was my uncle?  My uncle was at the bar getting drunk because he did not believe in God and wouldn't even attend his own son's funeral because it was in a church..  I do pray you are not that shallow sir.

"YOU" do not scare me or the people involved with my ministry.  We pray for you and only you can make the decision to get out of the hell - hole you are in and search for the truth.  However, I will conclude by telling you that Jesus loves you and so do we, nonetheless, I have to protect those that have hearts as big as Dallas!  You are on a very special and very particular warning!  If you contact anyone concerning this matter than me, then we have no one else to turn to but God and the authorities!  I will not have you enforce your doubt, sarcasms and your filthy mouth to anyone with this ministry again.  If you want fire you shall have fire!  Do Not Contact Judy Convertino or Gail Wilkins Again.  Understood?

Hope you find the answers you are looking for, but that will be impossible if God isn't in your life or your heart.  You are in our prayers.

Sincerely.

Wanda

P? S. We are to fear the Lord God and in His word HE says that you are not to touch "His" anointed children.  So please do your research, as I am sure you must have a bible.  You will see what I say is truth.  If you do not have a bible we will be more than happy to send you one.  Just provide an address.

We sincerely care about you Mr. B, but you must give a chance as you have chosen to give yourself a chance by harassing my ministry.  If you want me to call and talk to you personally, all you need to do is provide a phone number and I will be happy to call you and discuss anything you have on your mind.

Rember- God rules- the devil is the one that call out fools to serve him.  You no longer have to be one.  Please hear us out.  We are not about the left or the right in, "politics"-we are about the truth.  Please explore the truth with us and if you don't feel led, we can only continue to pray for you as well as us.  Just have an open mind, please?

Sincerely in Christ,

Wanda

Um, did I read that right?  I'm on a "very special and very particular warning?"  Are you fucking kidding me?  Big mistake, Wanda.  Really big mistake.  But it was the schoolyard bravado of her "Understood?" jab that sent me over the edge.  This miserable little troll messed with the wrong person.

I let this miserable little troll have it...

Sent: Wednesday, September 05, 2007 12:21 AM
To: Wanda Lopez [777wanda@bresnan.net]
CC: Gail Wilkins [gmw2466@usa.net], Judy Convertino [address withheld]
Subject: Okay, we'll do this the hard way...

Wanda, first enjoy (below) an email from the foul mouth of your lovely webmaster.  It's going on my site with all her others as well as yours…and so are your email addresses.  Don't like it?  Tough shit.  You shouldn't have emailed me.  You waived all rights to privacy when you clicked that Send button.  But now to the important stuff…

In your last email you wrote, "You are on a very special and very particular warning…"

[clearing throat]

I'm afraid that YOU are on a "very special and very particular warning": FUCK YOU.

I gave you all a chance to apologize for provoking this stranger, and you weren't smart enough to take it.  Now enjoy your moment of pause.  Next time don't go picking fights on the internet.  If you don't want solicited feedback about your site, then take your god damn guestbook down.  And if you choose to tell a guestbook signer what you think about his [read: my] feedback, then you will have just opened the door to a well-deserved DEFENSIVE response.  Don't like what this has turned into?  Go blame yourselves.  And blame yourselves twice.  I gave you a (fairly) graceful way out of it with a simple apology.

You have no special authority to police ANYONE'S email box.  But since you started all the posturing, tell Judy or Gail or whoever the hell she is, if she did in fact use her roommate's email address to provoke a third party, she may very well have committed a crime.  And if I'm so inspired I'll make a case of it.  Consider yourselves quite lucky…for the moment.  This atheist's grace far exceeds anything a Christian might extend.

As for your [making huge quote fingers] "warning" -- take heed and don't threaten a stranger with such bravado.  He just might be neither impressed nor intimidated. (I'm certainly not.)  And I don't take kindly to threats.  Like I already told you, I'm a 3-time cancer survivor.  I'm also an atheist.  [long pause to give you a moment to think about that]  That is to say, you couldn't rattle me on your best day with all your buddies backing you up.

Now enjoy your foul-mouthed webmaster's public sin, and it will be public shortly.  Gail, it's my mission in life to find all your Christian clients and share this little tidbit with them.  A simple apology will spare you the shame.  I'm fairly certain that Gail didn't send this, but my response will be the same either way.  Do as you please.  I don't care one way or another.

I did send her a second email acknowledging the tragic nature of her cousin's death and offer my sympathy.  (I'm a Godless Bastard -- but not a cold-hearted one.)  Regardless, my response changed Wanda's and Gail's tone quickly.  After crapping in her pants (i.e. that Gail "...may very well have committed a crime"), this woman with such big balls suddenly shifted into a change-the-topic-quickly mode.  Also notice how she's now using her own email address, not Judy's.

Frantically back-peddaling with her tail between her legs and her fangs retracted back into her big fat trap, she tried to bond with me through her own personal medical sob story...

From: Gail Wilkins [gmw2466@usa.net]
Sent: Wednesday, September 05, 2007 5:09 AM
Subject: Re: Okay, we'll do this the hard way...

I am also a cancer survivor....and the last time I lost my breast with it. I survived....I am also a heart congestive failure class 4 survivor....I am surviving Copd.....I am surviving a horrible car wreck where I Literally was hit in the driver's door and run over by the wheels of A 24 ton truck.....I have a lot of damage done...but I am a survivor. I survived an enlarged heart, heart disease, and am living and surviving Shogren's Syndrone, and Lupus Sle---which is a killer....but I am Surviving. I have lost my parents, brother and sister...but I am a survivor...I am a fighter and I know I will make it.....But the only difference in you and me is I give God the glory for it And you don't.  And for that I am sorry. May God look down on you and show you mercy, even though you are an atheist.  And I have prayed for you.  Just wanted you to know.

My response was filled with skepticism as the 24 ton truck story seemed to strain the limits of credulity.  She claimed to have died 8 times (literally) on the helicopter flight to the trauma center.  She sent me 5 or 6 emails containing her medical prescription list (40 drugs) and other sources of medical documentation, including some rather disturbing pictures.  Okay, she was banged up pretty badly and she survived.  Mazel Tov.  And I mean that sincerely.  (Really, I do.)

Anyway, after washing the crap out of her pants she apologized.  Take note that there's not one single religious reference in this response.

From: Gail Wilkins [gmw2466@usa.net]
Sent: Wednesday, September 05, 2007 6:11 PM
Subject: Re: Okay, we'll do this the hard way...

I wrote you and told you I apologized for the ugly language.  It is not of my character.  I asked the Lord to forgive me and I need to ask you also. Please accept my apology for the filthy language I used.  The human in Me came out and I should not have done it.

The email below also came back as did the one asking your forgiveness....Must be something wrong with my email....I only got one from you personally in this whole time....and I even checked my junk box and Spam box....so perhaps you just  did not write.  But  I do mean what I asked of you.

Gail

Okay, I give her credit.  Really, I do.  So I sent heir an email telling her "...to not lose any sleep over it.  It's over, now let's move forward."

And then Wanda replied.  Talk about changing ones' tone.  This woman who threatened me with warnings if I did this or that was suddenly asking for some grace.

From: Wanda Lopez [777wanda@bresnan.net]
Sent: Thursday, September 06, 2007 2:51 PM
Subject: RE: Okay, we'll do this the hard way...

I've meant to write you but I've had a lot on my plate the last couple of days.  My brother had a heart transplant last month and has been doing great.  They put him back in the hospital two days ago.  I will write you when I can get my wits about me.  Will you please hold off placing the emails on your site until I have a chance to write you?  It will be tonight or tomorrow.  Thanks

Wanda

Blessings to you.

Wanda was obviously nervous because before I had a chance to respond to her email (above), she sent another panicky email just seven hours later (below).

From: Wanda Lopez [777wanda@bresnan.net]
Sent: Thursday, September 06, 2007 9:55 PM
Subject: RE: Okay, we'll do this the hard way...

I'm writing to see if you received my email.  I truly want to talk to you before you post those emails.  I am not your enemy and I want to know the story concerning this matter in its entirety.  I do believe you have some kindness.  If not- you would have never told me you were sorry about my cousin.  I can write you tomorrow.  I am very tired dealing with this situation with my brother again.  Please give me a chance, and then you can do whatever you feel is necessary.  Thanks for calling off the dogs for now.  There are things we need to discuss, please give me that chance.

Thank you

Blessings to you and your loved ones,

Wanda

P/S - There is no need to send this to Judy or Gail.  I prefer to talk one on one and resolve this matter.

Just as I told Gail to not lose any sleep over it, I told Wanda the essentially the same thing.  And I gave her my word that I wouldn't post the emails.  But ones' word is only as good as the future actions of those who provoke me.  Of course it should come as no surprise that Gail couldn't leave well enough alone...

Click here to see the Christian propaganda bullshit Gail sent me just 3 days later. [PDF]

Bear with me.  We're almost done.  Here's my final email to her (and Wanda):

Sent: Sunday, September 16, 2007 7:35:06 PM
To: Gail Wilkins [gmw2466@usa.net]
Subject: RE: In God We Trust?

First, you shouldn't be impressed by that number (86%).  It *should* be higher.  95% of the world believes in a supreme in one form or another.  If anything, it shows that the number is decreasing, which makes me ecstatic.  Thanks for passing the confirmation.  Second, the number is probably inflated as most atheists keep their mouths shut for fear of ridicule.  Third, as money is the root of all evil, printing that insipid and insecure phrase on our currency is thoroughly illogical.  And it's pointless.  I don't believe in silly sky gods, I'm fairly affluent, and the phrase has zero influence or impact.  If anything, it only goes to show how pointless and ineffective its placement is.

Fourth, watch this: http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=MiJY5QiDwgs.  It's way off-topic, but entertaining as hell.

Fifth, are you a complete idiot?  I gave you a chance to walk away gracefully and you weren't smart enough to take it.  Now you're sending me your mindless nonsense to provoke me again?  I'll assume for now that it was sent to me in error.  Wanda, I believe in second and occasional third chances.  I gave you my word I'd let this go.  I'd hate to break my word.

You 100% correct to think that sending me such bunk would have an impact.  Unfortunately for you it's not the impact you like to see.  There is no god and all who believe otherwise are delusional.  These lame attempts to prove what you want so desperately to be true reek of desperation and insecurity.

One more email from you and everything gets everything published on my site including names, email and home addresses, and phone numbers.

Be smart and walk away quietly.  The Reply button is a really bad idea right now.

Well, stupid is as stupid does.  Gail clicked that Reply button not once but twice.  Judy clicked it once as well.  I'm sorry, was I not clear enough?  How dumb or stubborn must a person be?  Don't click Reply.  Shut up and go away.  That's all they had to do.  (Wanda is clearly the brains of the trio as she's remained decidedly quiet since I called her bluff.)  Anyway, I won't bother posting their final 3 emails as it's just more of the same old Christian tripe.

I admit that I was wrong about Judy.  I was able to verify that she and Gail are in fact roommates, so I'll give consideration to the possibility that Gail had Judy's consent to use her email address.

gb-06 judy convertino.jpg

Gail and Judy (pictured on the right) both live in York, South Carolina.  If you Google her email address you'll find this in her guestbook entries all over the internet.  She is publicly listed in the White Pages of AnyWho.com and also provided her home address and phone number for prayer assistance right on her own website.  Since Gail voluntarily made herself so readily accessible feel free to contact her for spiritual guidance and/or feedback.

Is it cruel of me to post their personal info and pictures on my site?  Perhaps.  But that's what you get for calling my girlfriend a whore.  They should consider themselves quite lucky.  Having said that, Judy did stay out of this imbroglio until its near end.  But she did let someone else use her name and email address, so she has only Gail to hold accountable.  The same applies to their pictures that they voluntarily left all over internet.  (They're welcome to take mine from this site and do as they please.)

Although I have the absolute right to post any email received as it was received, I decided to keep Judy's address off this site.  Again I ask, please leave her out of this should you choose to respond to Gail or Wanda.

It's a Small, Small World: Gail Wilkins & Friends Revisited
I received an email from a woman (let's call her "Lisa") who knows Judy Convertino personally.  Lisa stumbled upon my website while searching for atheist-related information.  We swapped several emails but only the first is submitted here for your consideration.  She requested to remain anonymous for obvious reasons.

From: [name and address withheld by request
Sent: Thursday, July 03, 2008 11:37 PM
Subject: "Gail force windbag"

I just stumbled to your website today and I've been back several times today reading different articles. I've made several major changes in my life recently one realizing that religion is bullshit and abandoning my faith (or what was left of it) completely...thanks for all the witty writings and hilarious content. Anyways, about the 3 women that gave you so much trouble from York, South Carolina. I am actually from there. I know Judy, I used to go to church with her! She is a total moron! Thanks for debunking that bitch and her buddies! She called me a whore in church (I was 12) because I had a crush on a Backstreet Boy and I was discussing how attractive he was with several of the girls in youth group. I'm such a slut, obviously. It's a small world...

Thanks again for making her life hell..if even for a few days. It gave me a damn good laugh.

I'd wager a grand that Gail (and the rest) would say that god brought Lisa to me.  Silly me.  I thought it was Google.  Anyway, you know the routine.

Now excuse me while I go puke.

Fruit of the Poisonous Tree: Wanda Lopez Redux
You'd think this nutcase zealot would have learned her lesson by now, but I suppose some people are too wrapped up in delusion to think clearly.  Yes, to this day the woman continues to send me her nonsense.

Enjoy Wanda's most recent unsolicited offering of religious insanity.  Why she would send a prayer request to me defies logic and all common sense.

From: 777wanda@bresnan.net
Sent: Wednesday, July 23, 2008 10:57 PM
Subject: URGENT!!!!!! PLEASE PRAY

ATTN All my family and prayer partners

Dear Family and Friends,

Hello everyone!  I need your attention please-A lot of you have been praying and many of you have sent cards to my son.  I just got word that his parole hearing was today, the 23th .  I am absolutely beside myself!!!!!  His hearing wasn’t supposed to be until tomorrow, but he called tonight and they had his hearing without me knowing anything about it.   I am asking all you to pray, pray, pray!!!!!!!!!!!  I know in my heart GOD is going to send my son home.  Please agree with me in prayer.

I will not faultier, I will not fail.  My God is in control of everything.  I know that he hears a mother’s prayers and he will honor it.  I believe he should under the proof of the BIBLE that I stand for!  MY FAITH WILL NOT FAULTURE!  MY SON WILL COME TO ME and his family.!!!!!!! His sisters need him as well as his parents. SATAN is a liar and I put him on notice- He will never win!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Please pray with me because I am truly running out of options.  I need my son home before I can die, before I can really learn how to live!  It has robbed me of so much since 2003; however, I will get it back!!!!

I love you all- I was there when your children were in prison, please be there for mine.   It’s not just me that is hurting; it’s his dad as well as our entire family.  Also consider his siblings, Traci (who has been so good to this ministry through her writing) as well as my youngest daughter Brandi.   How can I express the importance of a brother in their lives????? 

I know my son is coming home, period!  Thanks for standing with me!

Love you all!!!
Wanda


This wackjob actually believes that Jesus (if properly motivated) will nudge her son's parole board into cutting the poor fellow some slack.  But what I find infinitely more disturbing is the company Wanda keeps.  I'm sorry, but exactly how many of your friends have children in prison?  Must be all those good Christian values they're teaching in the home.

And don't forget that Wanda will neither faultier nor FAULTURE.

Anyway, just a few hours after Wanda's previous email had been posted on the site the emails came rolling in from those who decided to dig up a little dirt of their own.

Here's just one of many...

After reading Wanda's letter rallying her fellow Christians to pray for her lost lamb of a son, I just knew there were more nuggets of shiny wackiness to be had.  So I went fishing on the internet.  I found at least three “prayer” sites with a similar letter posted.  Although all three of the posts were signed off as if Wanda wrote them, two of the letters were under Gail's email address.

I was able to find Wanda's wayward offspring, Duane Lopez (Prisoner 135476), enjoying the hospitality of the Delta Correctional Facility in Colorado.

It seems that Duane's latest troubles stem from a burglary in March of 2007 were he was given a four year sentence.  While out on parole in October of 2007, he was sentenced to two years for motor vehicle theft.  According to the prayer request letters, Duane was on parole yet again when he was found consuming alcohol and sent back to Colorado's Delta Correctional Center.  It may be that Mr. Lopez was given parole in lieu of prison time for the two felonies on his record.  I was unable to find any more detailed information on his incarcerations.

It appears that poor Duane didn’t get his parole this time around.  He is up again next July, so standby for another flurry of prayer requests.  I don't think Mr. Lopez is an innocent man living in a hell hole of a prison so I won’t lose any sleep worrying about his housing conditions.

Amidst all the hyperbole of Wanda's email (I loved the literary train wreck of “I need my son home before I can die, before I can really learn how to live!”) she mentions, “It has robbed me of so much since 2003...”  I’m not sure what “it” is, but it may refer to her son's history of hooliganism.  Keeping him behind bars may be the best solution for society.

We would all have been disappointed if Ms. Lopez had not invoked SATAN as the cause of all her family’s woes.  Duane could not possibly be responsible for his own misdeeds.  It’s that evil Beelzebub that keeps making her poor son steal and violate his paroles.

You should be proud of your status with Wanda.  The threat she gave Satan (“Satan is a liar and I put him on notice.  He will never win!”) doesn’t compare to the smack down she tried to threaten you with during the great email dustup.

Toward the last part of her email Wanda wrote something that made me vow never to go near her church members or friends or even to drive through her town.

She wrote, “I was there when your children were in prison, please be there for mine.”

Are the majority of her friend's children felons?

[Anonymous]

You might be thinking that it's awfully unfair of me to keep posting this negative information about Wanda or her son (who doesn't even know me).  And maybe on some level that's true.

But this is not about Wanda or her son.  This is about principle.  If she's going to be so brazen and stubborn in her quest to proselytize to those who have continually told her to stand down, then I say she needs (and deserves) a moment of pause.  As for her son, nothing personal, but he has bigger fish to fry.

This woman keeps shoving her god-crap in my face in an UNSOLICITED manner.  Offense and decency flows both ways, but Christians seem to think it's a one-way street.  Wanda must not be allowed to continually push her god agenda on people and expect to not have it come back to haunt (and taunt) her.

She arrogantly declares, "Satan is a liar and I put him on notice. He will never win!"  (She threw a similar threat at me, FYI.)  If her balls are big (and hairy) enough to threaten SATAN, then neither proportion nor parity give her cause to accuse me of unfairly tormenting her -- which she did.  (I have chosen for personal reasons not to publish that email on this site.)  At any rate, if she can so boldly bitch slap Satan then she can certainly deal with anything that I have to say.

Someone pee in your Post Toasties, Wanda?  Go blame your own careless, arrogant actions.

Until next time...

Pie-Eyed Piper
Someone submitted Pastor Janet Piper's email address to my Spam-a-Fundy notification feature (which pumps out a one-time email announcing the site).  She did not approve of my general evil-doing.

From: secureinhim@verizon.net
Sent: Saturday, November 07, 2009 5:44 AM
Subject: Re: Got Jesus?

FIRST OF ALL...
REMOVE ME FROM YOUR "SATANIC" EMAIL LIST.
"IF" I RECEIVE ANOTHER ONE OF YOUR EMAILS, I WILL REPORT IT!
Even the demons believe there is a God and TREMBLE!!!!!

OH HOW I PRAY YOU GET DELIVERANCE AND SALVATION FOR ONE DAY YOU WILL REMEMBER THIS EMAIL.. YOU WILL WISH YOU WOULD HAVE NOT CALLED ME A GODLESS B. BUT THAT YOU WOULD HAVE CALLED UPON GOD HIMSELF .  HE LOVES YOU EVEN IN YOUR MESS.

HOWEVER, REMOVE ME AND PLEASE TELL ME WHO IT WAS THAT ADDED MY NAME TO YOUR STUPID LIST.

Be Blessed!
Janet Piper :)

gb-06 pastor janet piper.jpg

"Even the demons TREMBLE?"  (Don't you just love the bitchy defiant CAPS?)  "OH HOW I PRAY YOU GET DELIVERANCE?"  (Did this woman actually type "Oh how I pray?"  That's a little dramatic, don't you think?  And then she threatens me -- with an "IF" in quotes no less.

Okay, so it's obvious that this little ray of sunshine never gets laid.  She's too wrapped up in Satan and hellfire to be concerned with sins of the flesh.  But at least she's polite.  She did say please when asking for the name of the person who added her to my "stupid list."  And yes, that's her on the left.

Well, after stewing in it for about two minutes, the good Pastor stole the disclaimer from my welcome page, modified it, and clicked the Send button.

Finally, proselytizers are not welcomed visitors.  If your intent is to sling DEMONIC LIES AND ATHEISTIC VIEWS  you might as well STOP EMAILING ME  now because you'll only be wasting your time.  Such panic fire yields harmless bullets here.

Be Blessed!
Janet Piper :)

Oooh.  Buttons have been pushed.  For someone who's email address is "SecureInHim" there's an awful lot of deep religious insecurity.  True faith would have ignored my stupid email.

Children: God's Gift
Long story short.  An ex-girlfriend and I were at a friend's house and posed for a "family picture" with their newborn daughter as a joke.  We emailed the photo to some friends purely for its entertainment value, the implication being that she and I got back together and had a "miracle baby."  For those who know us it's especially funny because (a) she and I wouldn't last 6 months together as a married couple, and (b) I'm terminally infertile.

I sent the email to a bunch of former co-worker's (all common friends) who all live in different States.  We email daily but haven't seen each other in several years, so a baby that popped up out of nowhere is plausible.  The picture was accompanied with the following note: "I suppose I should let you all in on the news as you'd hear it from someone else eventually."

One of my buddies responded with the following email:

Hey dude...

This is off the record, and only sent to you.  I have a serious, personal, and private question for you.  You know me, in your face, and no beat around the bush, so I will come right out and ask.

Are you still a practicing Atheist?  The reason I ask is, because anyone that has a child, I have a hard time understanding why they wouldn't see any child as a blessing from God.  This is between me and you if you wish it to be.

Congrats on a beautiful kid, friend.


Tony's a good guy so I didn't give him too much shit over it, but I do find it amazing how no appeal-to-believe tactic is off limits when it comes to Christians.


Hawking Mortgage & Salvation
I'll keep it short and sweet and this warrior of god will tell the story himself.  Some unknown bible-punching mortgage broker (with whom I had no prior correspondence) spammed me with his message of Christ's love and the (admittedly subtle) offering of sound mortgage guidance.  Click
here to read his email in PDF format.

Take note of his footnote disclaimer: "You received this email as a result of your ongoing business relationship with Darren Meade."  This is 100% unadulterated Christian bullshit.  You see, Christians are allowed to LIE as long as they're trying to win souls over to Christ.

Darren may be reached for more unsolicited religious rhetoric at
dmeade@victorylenders.com or (866) 676-4325.  Yes folks, salvation is toll-free!  (The email address and phone number are both dead.  Read on to learn why.)

Update: Since this rant was first updated to the site (sometime in 2006), I found the following self-authored blurbs about Darren on two different websites:

My name is Darren Meade with Victory Mortgage Lenders, and I look forward to working with you.  Together, we can work through this and position ourselves to really succeed when this [real estate] cloud lifts, ensuring great years ahead.

www.victorylenders.net   [dead link]
darrenmeade.zaadz.com  [dead link]

Darren Meade is a national and local real estate financing expert. He is available for speaking engagements, personal coaching and consultations. He may be reached at (949) 499-1785.

Over the course of several years I went from being homeless to living in a condo on a golf course and representing the United States in international events culminating in winning the middleweight title of the IFBB Mr. North America bodybuilding competition. At the same time I co-founded a nutritional which exploded in the nutrition market and by age 27 I made my first million. Being young, I then squandered my first 3 million to turn around and build it again and again...slow learner at times!

First, I'm not too inclined to believe much of this, but I can tell you that Victory Lenders (which he owned) is now out of business.  His website is gone, no trace of the company can be found anywhere, and his email address and all of his phone numbers lead nowhere or to someone else.  And remember, he's available for speaking engagements, personal coaching, and consultations.  I mean, how can you possibly go wrong?

Now read this glowing endorsement of Darren's business savvy and character:

Much like Darren Meade of Victory Lending (Yes, the homeless boy turned bodybuilder turned nutritional supplement king turned mortgage lender), one wonders exactly how much koolaid they might have consumed, and if there will be any long-term mental health impacts to the frequent regurgitation of bull. However, at least with David Lereah, there is at least some formal education to qualify him as a somewhat credible source; if my personal trainer began giving me financial advice, I might have to ask him to stick to what he knows best...it’s the ultimate expression of the shoeshine boy offering stock tips.

However, the difference between the 2 seems to me to be the voracity of their arguments. In one case, Darren obviously believes the crud he’s sharing. He speaks with all of the voracity of a Koresh believer. He might rather endure great pain or even death before admitting any wrong. His lending will only end when those providing the money end it for him. Consider that he might actually lack the mental discernment ability to know that what he’s selling is toxic waste of the lending kind.

Finally, enjoy a whiff of Darren's delusion and mindless rationalizations.  Just Google his name.  You'll find endless nuggets of sage real estate and soul-saving advice.  He fancies himself a philosopher and spews his wisdom prolifically on Gaia.com.

I wonder if he's still living on that golf course.  Doubtful, I'm sure.  Perhaps Jesus can assist.

High Altitude Attitude
Ladies and gentlemen, the Captain has turned off the Fasten Seat Belt sign and you may now move about the cabin, but as a safety precaution please keep your seatbelt securely fastened while seated.  You may now turn on your electronic devices such as calculators, CD players, and laptop computers.

Yippie!  The green light.  I dug my laptop out of my briefcase, fired it up, and began to type...

It's Thursday, 7 September 2006, 5:46 PM (E.S.T.) to be exact, and I'm cruising at 30,000 somewhere just outside Las Vegas.  (Just for the record, I don't see god up here either.)  Anyway, Southwest flight 607 from Sin City to Burbank is rather uneventful -- except for the BIBLE-PUNCHING MORON sitting next to me.  Well, actually, we're one empty seat apart, which is good because if he were any closer I'd vomit.  So, I'm on the aisle and Christ's buddy is sitting in the window seat, and he just placed his bible between us -- face up, of course.  And it's upside down to him (right side up to me) so I can read the title clearly:

The Bible
GOD'S HOLY WORD

Each time I glance to my left the book has miraculously inched its way closer.  Hmmm.  Could it be the omnipotent finger of god nudging it toward me?  Of course not.  This guy was looking for a conversation opener.  I spent 12 years (on and off) traveling for work and I've seen it a hundred times.  It's the mid-flight conversion tactic.  A travel classic!

I smell a desperate attack about to commence where the prize is another soul won over for Christ.  Fine.  I'm bored.  I'm a captive audience.  I'll play along.

Hey, wait.  I have an idea.  Cache files!  Yes!  Internet cache files!  I haven't cleared those bastards off my laptop in ages, so there must be some trace of GodlessBastard.com sitting in my temporary internet files folder.  (For those of you who don't know, even without an internet connection you can navigate to previously viewed web pages if you set your browser to work off-line.)

Don't go anywhere, I'll be right back.  This godless bastard is about to launch a pre-emptive rhetoric attack.

[about 5 minutes pass]

God damn, that was fun.  Okay, you're confused now.  Let me recap what just happened.

gb-06 you found god.jpg

First, the bait.  My new evangelical friend was on the lookout for a reaction, so I handed him one on a silver platter.  I made a point of glancing at his book of myths whenever he looked in my direction.  Cool.  The moron smelled some interest.  (Christians are so easy to manipulate, ain't they?)

Then, as if inspired by divine revelation, I feverishly hammered at my laptop keyboard.  What I was actually doing was writing this rant, but he was probably thinking, "
Hmmm.  What is this about?  What exactly is this ugly bastard typing on that thing?"

After several minutes of alternatively glancing at his bible and then typing frantically, I started to s-l-o-w-l-y rotate my laptop screen counter-clockwise so that he could see...

5 degrees...10 degrees...15 degrees...

Slowly he craned his neck to snoop...

"More, you a-hole!  Turn it just a little bit...uh...um...What the fu...?  Godless Bastard?"

His eyes were fixed on that screen as I led him through the silent tour of my site.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw him reach out and pull his book of fairy tales back to its starting position up against his leg.  He pulled it close and tapped it a few times as if to say, "Fear not, my friend.  We'll get the next one."  Happily, he retreated and kept his mouth shut.

As the plane started its descent over Los Angeles, the saved one turned to watch the city below through his window.  No doubt he was still stewing in the missed opportunity to save another soul.

And then the coup de grace...

Thinking quickly, I grabbed a pen and a piece of paper and scribbled down the following cryptic URL: http://committed.to/lovejesus.  Oh, come on.  Click it.  You know you want to.  (Note: As of May 2009 this free re-direct service was suspended, so the link is now dead.)

gb-06 airplane bible.jpg

As my bible-punching friend peered out his window to behold god's amazing creation below, I stuck my note under the cover of his bible.  Seemed like a fitting place to put it.  With any luck he's reading this story right now.

Unlike your average Christian, I provide at least some evidence to back up my claims.  Sorry about the crappy quality of the image, but I managed to snag a quick shot (left) with my cell phone camera while he was looking out the window.

Enjoy your stay in delusion or wherever your final destination may be.

Restituto: Preying, Not Praying
Several years ago I received a bone marrow transplant in a last ditch effort to cure my lymphoma.  While I was in protective isolation, I received the following letter (via email) from a fellow employee.  Prior to receiving his message we never met or spoke.  We were total strangers.  He found out through the grapevine that I had some serious mednical problems.  Religious fanatics love to preach to those they feel are most vulnerable, such as a person who has been stricken by a life-threatening illness or someone who has just lost a loved one.  They believe this optimizes their chances of being listened to.  Religious fanatics are cowards, so they prey on those who they perceive are weak.  The emotionally downtrodden are weak and are therefore less likely to fight back.  Basically, they're an easy target.

Of course, he had no idea I was an atheist...

You don't know me but I heard about your fight with cancer and would just want to wish you the best.

I also heard that you have been a two-time survivor of this battle.

I also wish you some food for thought that hopefully would not only enable you to win battles but win the war itself.  After surviving this ordeal once, it is natural to think that you are living on "borrowed time".  Surviving it the 2nd up to the nth time to me means that The Great Creator of whom we shall all give an account some day loves you enough to give you time to make a difference not only in your life but perhaps as you influence the life of others.

Here's hoping therefore that you would have settled the issue of eternity with The Author and Finisher of Life and Faith - the Lord Jesus Christ.  Once that's settled, the issue of life and death just melts under the wonderful experience of His Presence in your life.  That experience has been known time and again to even result in true healing physically and totally.

God bless you!

Restituto

I'm sure Restituto was a really nice guy, but I had to put him in his place.

I thanked him sincerely for his concern, but made it clear (in a respectful, benign, and funny manner) that I was a devout atheist and that I managed to survive two prior bouts with cancer without praying to a god I knew didn't exist.  Funny, but I never heard from him again.  I mean, he gave up awfully fast for a guy with the almighty on his side.

What ever happened to this concerned Christian who seemed to know what was in my best interests?  It couldn't possibly have been that I was a lost cause.  Christians don't give up that easily, do they?  And nothing was beyond the power of his lord, right?  So why did I never hear from him again?  It certainly wasn't because he respected my beliefs.  It's not like I yelled at him or told him to get lost.

I never received ANY subsequent acknowledgement like, "Sorry, no offense intended.  I was just offering my prayers and best wishes for a speedy recovery..." or something to that effect.  He disappeared without another single word because my atheism was a threat to his faith.  He ran in search of weaker prey.  He ran in search of someone who's in distress, very afraid, very weak, and very desperate.

One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Hebrew Fish
Here's another example by a former well-intentioned client of mine.  He gave me a copy of the New Testament (in English and Hebrew on alternating pages) while I was enduring the worst days of my transplant.  There's no doubt that the Hebrew aspect of this particular bible was to establish some credibility as he thought I was Jewish.  (He didn't know that I was actually an atheist.)  At any rate, while I'm certain he was sincere in intent, it was still a sad, desperate tactic to employ.

This is what he wrote on the inside cover: 1 and 2 [PDF]

You'd think a guy would crack when facing his darkest days during another bout with recurrent cancer, right?  Don't be so sure.  Are there atheists in the foxholes?  You bet your ass there are.  Through three bouts with cancer, not only did I never turn to god, but my atheism was actually strengthened.  Ironically, so many of my weaker fellow cancer patients turned to god, prayed for healing, and subsequently dropped like flies -- one after another.  Seems to me they needed a better battle plan.

But I suppose I can't blame the guy for taking a shot, but some people ain't that weak.  That's reserved for theists.

Christian Defense Mechanism: Censorship
Every once in awhile you cross paths with a Christian who strains the limits of sanity.  Keeping that in mind, meet Amelia Gallion.

gb-06 amelia gallion.jpg

This soldier of god spewed so many faulty textbook reasons to believe that I lost count.  Let's start off with the subject line: The Lord is OUR Savior [her emphasis].  Just like every other bible-punching Christian on the planet, she speaks for everyone else.  Her god is your god.

But I think the last sentence of her email says it all.  This is a classic Christian knee-jerk defense mechanism: censor anything that challenges your belief system.

Now close your eyes and imagine a censorship-happy idiot like this serving on a jury.  (Yes, that's Amelia shown on the left.)

From:      farmgirl61886@yahoo.com
Subject:  The Lord is OUR Savior

So Mr. Bastard, what do you believe in? You think Christians are horrible, do you? You think what we believe in is silly nonsense? Let me tell you something.....maybe you should delete your website. Yes there are hipocrits, but that's every religion, even yours ((or whatever you call yourself)). So get over it. I'll tell you this, I have prayed to God, and my prayers have been answered. I have went threw a terrible surgery, and almost died, but I was blessed with God's love and I'm still here.

I don't care what people believe in, whether they are Jewish or Christian, or Muslim, whatever, even athesist. But I am very offended that there are people who scorn what I believe in. Keep your opinions to yourself. Religion and politics don't ever scorn.

Why don't you take a peaceful time to yourself and pray, you'll see what happens! But you have to mean it, and to tell you the truth, you are just a lost soul.

Did something happen in your life to make you feel the way you do? Did someone very close die horribly to make you feel the way you do? I'm truely sorry if that happened. But that's God's way of taking his children. We miss them dearly...yes....and we don't understand God's purpose, but having faith is whats important.

So please consider this! I think all websites that scorn any religion or belief should be banned.

Amelia Gallion

Ruth: The Ruthless Preacher
A friend of mine rescued a dog he named Riley, and he fostered the sweet pooch for a few months while searching for the perfect family to adopt him.  Through some unimportant turn of events, he came to meet a woman who was interested in adopting the dog.  In a wholly unsolicited and unrelated manner, she told my friend that she was a Christian and started to spew unwelcomed rhetoric.

Here's an excerpt from an email that my friend received from her [unedited, except for his name having been changed to protect the innocent]:

I have no idea why I told you that I work for God, all I know is that the Lord wanted me to let you know that for a reason. I don't know Jason who you are or, why you are non-believer but it has to be stemmed back for, maybe a hurt in your life or a family member or loved one that was very special and was taken from you or your family and sometimes Jason, God gets the blame. People then turn there backs on God and say, "There is no God, look what happen to me, if there was a God he would not do that to me", maybe it was a hurt or lost someone special in there life where God got the blame, but Jason God is so real and he is so good. If only you knew what he has done for me and my life. I don't know what I would do with out him and has always been there to comfort me in all my sadness and trials that I have been through, and I can tell you I have been through so much in my life. He is so loving and kind and I just know that you love animals and I just look into there little faces and I know that they are one of Gods wonderful creations. So I am not going to preach to you Jason [You're not preaching, Ruth?] but, I know with out a doubt that God let me let you know that I am a Christian for a reason and that I love the lord with all of my soul.  I also know that I will pray for you Jason that, the Lord will speak to your heart and show you that he is real. No matter what you think, he does love you, and he has given you such a soft heart and Jason he does have his hand in your life and your precious to him even though you don't believe nor love him. He will show you just how awesome he is but, you have to open up and give him a chance. He is and will be there always as your best friend, comforter, adviser your Father, your brother and will never leave you nor forsake you. Friends come and go in our lives, they can hurt and injure us, but he is just there to get us through every battle that we might come across.

Well no matter what, I am looking forward to meeting with you and your baby and no matter what happens, I will pray that God will reveal his love and himself to you and just love on you.

Ruth

Now this is just plain creepy.  Tell me, even if god did exist, would you really want him to "love on you"?  Instead of praying for my friend, perhaps she should pray for slightly enhanced grammatical and spelling skills.  At any rate, my friend shut her down and made it clear that not only was her preaching unwelcome, but that it would have ZERO effect on his belief system.

Ruth, like many Christians, is incapable of sensing the futility of preaching to atheists.  So in a desperate (and ineffective) attempt to win another soul over for Christ she kept at it.  (I'll give her an A+ for persistence, but an F for execution, common sense, and firm grasp of reality.)  After learning that my friend chose to place Riley with someone else, she sent the following inane and poorly articulated diatribe.

Note: I omitted two pages (885 words) of Ruth's mindless ranting about how disappointed she was that Riley was given to someone else.  She took it very personally, which she shouldn't have, and rambled on and on in defense of herself as a qualified dog owner.  For the record, the decision to place Riley with someone else had absolutely nothing to do with her religious beliefs.  The unedited excerpt below followed the two pages that were omitted.

May the Lord Bless you in everything in your life and may one day, you find it in your heart, to know that Jesus is real and he is not some fairy tale. He loves you Jason, even though you don't love or believe in him. He will never leave you nor stop loving you. No matter what you might go through one day, all you will have to do is cry out his name and he is there for you. He will comfort and love you like no one else.  We will all come to our knees one day and call his name. Do you want to take the chance Jason of not knowing what happens to you after you leave this world, or isn't it nice to say, I know that my Lord is there for me and I know where I am going? I will continue to keep you on my list of people to pray for. You had such a sweetness Jason and I know somehow, someday you will remember these words and I know one day, you will know him as I do.  You don't believe there is a  GOD?, So next time your baby dogs look at you with so much love and compassion, ask yourself, did these just come from nowhere?  God is LOVE so if God is not love how who ever created these such lovable creatures? These are a just part of his wonderful creations, just like you are, and they are just as loved as we are. The Best to you Jason and, may the Lord continue to use you to take care of, and love on his little animals and he is using you with a gift of love to his special unwanted animals.. If for some reason you change your mind, I am here for Riley, he was beautiful. Also Angie, I want to "Thank You" for your honesty and that you forwarded Jasons e-mail on to me as I was able to find out the truth and I want to say I was very hurt with these comments but God is good and I know he will find me another beautiful dog.

Gob Bless

Ruth

Gob Bless?  Damn!  That's just about the funniest and most appropriate typo ever.

Ruth, well intentioned as she is, is living in a fantasy world of her own making.  Her incessant and incoherent rambling makes that much clear.  And who in their right mind names their dog Becky?  She's probably substituting dogs in her life for the people who push her away because of her nuttiness.  At any rate, her email was a pathetic last-ditch effort to recruit another member, and it reeks of desperation.  She's one of the weakest people I've ever encountered.

Well, stupid is as stupid does.  After this intellectual stick of butter was warned to stop her email harassment via her corporate email account (which is a clear violation of corporate policy) or else her HR department would be alerted, she continued to spew her delusional Christian rhetoric.

All I have to say is your attitude is so very sad and yes from my computer at NBC to you, and no I am not fearful of these threats, everyone at NBC, including all my friends at Human Resources and by the way, including the Vice President happens to also love God as well. They all know that I am a Christian for the 14 years I have been here. So with out God in our country, none of us would be as Blessed in the USA as we are now.  Jason, seen you want to be so hateful and revengeful, that's ok as it seems that will make you feel good inside and that to me is very sad.

SO MAY GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS YOU BOTH., AND YES I WILL CONTINUE TO PRAY FOR YOU AND STILL LOVE MY ENEMY'S

Ruth

I love her defiant bold capital letters -- just like a little kid sticking her fingers in her ears and chanting...LA-LA-LA, I CAN'T HEAR YOU!

I seriously hope this woman doesn't hold a position of any authority at NBC since she can't seem to assemble a single coherent sentence.  I know third graders who articulate with far greater clarity.  This is even more shocking when you consider the alleged fact that she's so tight with the Vice President of Human Resources for all of NBC Universal.  But I'll wager every dime I own that she knows nothing about him short of his name.  She probably never even met him.

Can you believe that this nutcase actually thinks EVERYONE at NBC loves god?  Everyone?  Really, Ruth?  This woman is clearly delusional, or at the very least a very bad liar.  And even if it were true, how could she be so sure that it's her god they love?  Don't you know there are many Jews, Muslims, and Hindus who work for NBC, Ruthie?  Perhaps she's not aware that NONE of those people embrace Jesus as their lord and savior.  Someone should really clue her in.  I'd like to give her the benefit of a doubt and believe that she's just shooting off her mouth and that she doesn't really believe such a patently silly thing.  But like I already pointed out, religious fanatics love to speak for everyone else.  Remember all that Christian we, us, and our talk?  It's the ONLY way for people like Ruth to believe all the nonsense they do and protect their intellectual integrity.  Here's your proof.

But, honestly, I really love people like Ruth.  She's her own worst enemy and that makes my job easy.  Pray away, Ruthie.  Every prayer you offer up only goes to show that your alleged god is powerless to sway those who see him for what he is: a myth.  I defy you and your god.

High-Ground Atheist Attacks!
Enjoy a few guestbook postings from some little internet pest who obviously can't read.  Oddly, the moron is an atheist.  (So that's one strike against us, but whatever.)  Anyway, someone peed in this guy's Post Toasties apparently.  Either he didn't take the time to actually read anything I wrote, or he just didn't get what the site is all about.  (Click here and here if you didn't either.)

gb-06 patrick tolle.jpg

The weasel's name is Patrick Tolle and he may be reached for kudos, high-fives, and other such validation at 23abraxas23@gmail.com.  Though take heed as he might threaten you with physical violence should you call him a name or question his intelligence.  (He can dish it out but he can't take it.)  Read his blog here.

Note: The asterisks in the post below are the result of automatic vulgarity filtering in my website guestbook.  Mine is a free guestbook service and such filtering is beyond my control.

05.11.09 @ 12:16 AM
I
was recommended to this site by my "atheist" uncle (who unfortunately is deeply contradicted, in that he admires Eastern religions). I've been an atheist my entire adult life, having spurned my Protestant upbringing as an adolescent.

The thing is, you come off like an angry teenager - and one who's flicked himself off perhaps a too few many times after getting home from school (i.e., "When masturbation's lost its fun," etc.). Example: you talk too much. I don't find you to be a good writer, or even semi-likeable. And as a graphic designer I despise the layout of your site.

So you're an atheist. As the gag shop owner said to his prospective customer, "Whoopy [*******] ****." Or, somewhat analogously, as Samuel Johnson said, "A blade of grass is a blade of grass. Now tell me something about a human being." (as quoted in the great film "The Missouri Breaks".)

As a good dialectal materialist, I have this to say to you: being an atheist is necessary, yes, but not sufficient. Being an atheist alone is an intellectual plus, yes, but not necessarily a moral one. The religious ****s are right to name lots of mass-murdering atheists from decades past, just as we are often prone to listing all the awful, icky people who killed babies and raped virgins in the name of Christianity (e.g.). It works both ways. Atheism is not a moral guide to action, and I do not think you should feel morally superior on the basis of your atheism. However, such ****-sucking smugness is evident throughout your site.

Let me emphasize - since I think, if you reply to this post, you'll probably warp the **** out of it - I am not intending to sound critical of you an _intellectual_ smugness. Certainly not - I think any good atheist is a strong atheist, who feels absolutely certain that there are no gods. No, what rubs me the wrong way is that you write like an *******.

Um, I come off like an angry teenager?  Actually, I was going for something more along the lines of "angry white prick ranting," but you were close enough.  I'll plead no contest there.  Yes, that was my intent, Lenny.  That's the whole point of the site.  It's called shtick, you nimrod.  I made that abundantly clear on the very first page of the site.  If you actually read a word of what I wrote then you'd know that my goal was to actually provoke such a response -- but from THEISTS, you bloody wank.  (Yes, I do expect a more finely tuned bullshit detector from the skeptical contingent, but I suppose that no one is immune from falling for such an obvious prank.)

Oh, and he thinks my website looks like shit.  Well buy that man a beer!  Yes, it certainly does!  I'm a total HTML hack and a piss poor layout designer.  (Anyone who's read my updates for at least a few months has heard even ME say that I suck.)  But my site is free.  Always has been, always will be.  Deal with it.  (Even I do.)  On a side note, if anyone wants to do a pro bono redesign of this mess, send me a note.  Maybe this asshole can step up to the plate and demonstrate his masterful web design skills.

05-11-09 @ 01:30 AM
That was my comment. I'd like to add that I think you're a complete P-U-S-S-Y for not allowing "bad" words. Again, what an A-S-S-H-O-L-E.

Again with his rapier wit.  Okay, so I'm a pussy AND an asshole.  It just hurts so bad when you treat me this way, baby.  Why you hatin' like that?  You KNOW I can't match your superior verbal pugilism.  No fair!  Anyway, I told this yutz that vulgarities are automatically censored (beyond my control) by the service that hosts my guestbook.  But why would that bother anyone anyway? 

05.11.09 @ 01:45 PM
I think you're an a-hole and worse because you're smug, a bad writer, and you allow your site to be filtered to get rid of swear words in the comments section. Why would you allow that? Why not switch from Bravenet to a server that doesn't censor? Dumbass. You're also an asshole in your reply, in that you accuse me of having missed the point of your website. How the fuck could I? (Clear as day: religion is stupid and terrible and there's no good reason in the world to support or tolerate it. Wow, profound. Clap. Clap.) I think you're a lousy writer, and I could tell within a few seconds of scanning your site that I don't like you as a person. Judging by your response, you must get that a lot. Your response was very, very defensive, in that it consisted entirely of ad hominems - and that just ain't logical. Fucked up, stupid and defensive is what it is. Which leads me to think that YOU are the one lacking necessary reading comprehension skills. Did you even bother to address the bulk of my email - how I think your site looks like shit, that your vaunted moral superiority is unwarranted, etc.? No. You thought it sufficient to call me a child and then drop an f-bomb to prove that you're such a badass. Clap, clap.

Clap, clap?  That's your big finish, Betty?  Okie dokie.  (I believe the word you're all searching for right now is anyway...)

Again, click
here and here to read what you clearly missed.

I find it funny that this jackass calls me a pussy and an asshole in one post, and then in the next he accuses ME of tossing around ad hominems.  (Yes, I do, but at least I'm not a hypocrite about it.)  Oh, and he "doesn't like me as a person."  Took him only a few seconds to figure that out too!  How ever will I go on?

Seems to me that HE is the one who's getting "very, very defensive."  He's obviously flustered.  I mean, the guy is still harping on the guestbook vulgarity filter and the design of my site.  (This guy holds a grudge like Khomeini.)  But it's also clear that he didn't read any of my responses.  Ssshhh.  If you listen real carefully you can hear him frantically typing his next frothy entry.

But I feel bad for the lad.  I think he just needs to get laid.  Maybe we could all pitch in a few bucks and buy him a girl for the night.  Or a boy perhaps.  Hey, I'm not judging.  Perhaps that's just his thing.

05-12-09 12:35:38 AM
You write like a eunuch. I pity you.

Ouch!  I'm telling ya folks, with a comeback like that I suppose I just have to concede defeat.  Oh, and the gift of pity.  I love that!  I'll save it in my sock drawer for a rainy day.

05-12-09 01:04:05 PM
Way to go, "Anonymous", i.e. "Bastard", i.e. obviously fat ugly bastard. That was a great response. I loved how you said "your such a man" when you meant to say "you're such a man"- that was a real crowd-pleaser, for sure, though it didn't exactly have me wincing. Your reading comprehension skills seem again to have failed badly. I haven't read your website thoroughly because I think you're a shitty writer and a low-level thinker. After submitting this comment I don't plan to look at your website ever again. I think your [sic] a smug asshole who just fucking LOVES the fact that he's an atheist, but hasn't bothered much to look beyond that. Above all, I hope that you live in New Yor and send me your picture and home address so that I can show you what a real bastard can do.

Oooh, man.  He caught me in a typo.  I must be SUCH an ignoramus.  How about telling me that my dick is tiny too?  I feel so...deflated.  Maybe I'll crawl under a rock and cry myself to sleep.  Yeah, I'll definitely do that.  By the way, did you happen to notice his misspelling (of New York)?  And I even got a threat of physical violence.  Imagine that!  Mr. Tough Guy is gonna kick my ass.  Come get me Patty boy.  Show me just how tough you really are.

Facebook: Supporters of Racism and the Anti-Atheist Agenda
When you're done reading this rant, please send an email to Facebook with a link to this page and let them know what you think of their illogical and dichotomous manner of policing profile and forum content.  I have posted their email address at the end.

You may have noticed that my profile has disappeared...again.  This is because my account was suspended for violation of their Terms of Use (TOU).  My unforgivable sin is that I didn't use my real name on the account.  They wrote:

"Fake accounts are a violation of our Terms of Use.  Facebook requires users to provide their real first and last names.  Impersonating anyone or anything is prohibited.  Unfortunately, we will not be able to reactivate this account for any reason.  This decision is final."

First, tell me exactly who or what am I impersonating?  I am representing that I am EXACTLY who I am, The Godless Bastard.  Second, using an alias within the isolated bounds of a frivolous (and stupid) social networking outlet like Facebook is COMPLETELY harmless.  Third, wake up you flaming morons.  Easily 1 in 10 profiles use a fake name, and virtually EVERY profile boasts some intentionally false information.  People post all sorts of bogus profile data which Facebook couldn't possibly verify (even if the information wasn't false).  Plus, it's all information that Facebook really couldn't care less about.  You know it, we know it.

FACT: There is ZERO difference between using a fake name and lying about your date of birth or the city in which you live or the college from which you graduated, and Facebook doesn't give a rat's ass about ANY of the latter (as verified by their TOU), so why should they care about a false name?  Oh, I'm sure they'll conjure up a bullshit excuse, but it's just that: bullshit.

Regardless, their ability to identify an alias is questionable at best.  How can they come to the conclusion that "Godliss Basturd" is a fake name but "Mark Allen Warren" isn't?  (They can't.)  By the way, Facebook won't let you enter "Godless" for your first name.  Can anyone say anti-atheist agenda?  ("Bastard" is also forbidden.)  I had to fake them out by intentionally misspelling Godless Bastard.

At any rate, I could make my peace with their TOU if they would apply it fairly and without such appalling disparity.  Let's take a look, shall we?

Facebook suspended my account because I used "Godliss Basturd" as my name.  However, they allow the most repugnant display of RACISM and ANTI-SEMITISM to go unpunished.

A Facebook forum called Funny Inspirational Pictures That Are In Poor Taste features parodies of those insipid office posters that we all love so much.  I'll admit that many of these parodies are funny and harmless.  However, many of them are profoundly racist and anti-Semitic.

Let's recap...

WHAT WILL GET YOUR FACEBOOK ACCOUNT SUSPENDED:
Using a harmless alias because you want to maintain a
modicum of privacy and don't want to be stalked by anyone.

gb-06 facebook rejected.jpg

WHAT WILL NOT GET YOUR FACEBOOK ACCOUNT SUSPENDED:
Posting the most repugnant, revolting, and offensive
RACIST and ANTI-SEMITIC images imaginable.

gb-06 facebook approved.jpg

If you're not already satisfactorily disgusted, check out a few more images that Facebook allowed WITHOUT account suspension:  1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9

Take note that these specific images have since been removed, but other offensive images remain AND the forum has yet to be shut down.  I threatened to report one of the forum administrators (Wendy Dobbs, who has since left her post) after which these and only these images disappeared.  I cannot know for sure whether Wendy removed them out of fear of backlash or if Facebook authorities took action on their own accord.  Regardless, the forum was allowed to remain.  This is an unforgivable disgusting double-standard in consideration of the reason for the suspension of my account.

Words like "Godless" and "Bastard" are not allowed in a Facebook profile name (so much for freedom of speech...) and will get your account suspended, but hatemongering with words like "nigger" and equally repugnant images in their forums goes unchecked.

Look, I'm all for freedom of speech and have no problem with Facebook's decision to allow the forum to remain, but again, only if they would maintain some consistency in their application of account/forum suspension.

The bottom line is that Facebook is thoroughly selective in its application of its own Terms of Use.  I challenge them to search for the name "Ratso" (just something random I chose) and watch the results roll in.

gb-06 facebook ratso.jpg

Are you so clueless as to believe that there's a guy named Ratso Snitchkowski in Detroit?  Why wasn't his account suspended for violation of TOU?

Now choose your own illogical name search value (like "Doggie") and see what it yields -- and it will yield MANY profiles.

gb-06 facebook doggie.jpg

Tell me jackass, is "Doggie Doggie" from Edmonton an alias?  Why is his account is still active?  Now ask yourself why "Godliss Basturd" was singled out.  (Pssst.  We both know why.)

But here's one last test for the incompetent idiots at Facebook to prove me wrong.  Search for Mark Allen Warren in Miami, Florida.  It looks like a legit profile on all accounts, and you'd NEVER suspend it for violation of TOU.  Well, guess what?  It's a total sham -- the whole damn thing.  I just created it, and it's ENTIRELY false.  (If it's suspended now I'll just have another up using a new IP address in 5 minutes.)  But congratulations!  You just demonstrated the complete and total FAILURE of your own ridiculous policy and the way in which you enforce it.  (You're so good at what you do, aren't you?)

Please let everyone you know who uses Facebook of their disturbing behavior.  Complaints may be sent to abuse@facebook.com.  Tell them what you think of their unwillingness to suspend the accounts of flagrant racists and anti-Semites who post their filth and hatemongering on the pages of Facebook.

Copyright © 2004 The Godless Bastard. All Rights Reserved.