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Scoffing at all
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Godless Bastard and welcomed and encouraged to submit their
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10.01.08
My Boss is a Jewish
Carpenter
And if you don't kiss his ass he'll make
life HELL for you.
Jay B. Spry Email
Seriously, this guy is something else.
See, he grew up without a father (his old lady was some tramp
who got herself knocked up right before she married this other
guy, so the kid grew up with all kinds of unresolved Daddy
issues and shit) and so he takes it out on his men. He's got
this holier-than-thou attitude like he can't do anything
wrong. You know the type: "I Am the Way or the highway". And
of course no one else can ever get it right. His favorite
expression when he's chewing our asses out is "all have sinned
and fallen short!" Well fuck me! How're you supposed to take
any pride in your work when the Boss has already decided
you're a bunch of world-class fuckups?
And you'd think
at quittin' time he'd lighten up and become human, right? No
way. There ain't no quittin' time with this asshole. For
instance, the boys all decided after work one day to go
gang-bang this whore we knew in this little town near the
worksite. We was just about to give her the goods when
You-Know-Who shows up and ruins the moment with a lecture
about getting stoned, how we was no better than whores
ourselves and I don't know what-all. All I know is it ruined
everybody's fun. We all just walked off in disgust. And I'll
bet you a denarius to a drachma the bastard kept that whore
for himself-probably played patty cake with her all night. He
sure don't mix with the ladies; I mean, you'd think this guy
was some kinda virgin or something. (I don't know, maybe he
is; the big stiff had the nerve to tell us one day that his
mother was a virgin when he was born, so maybe it runs in the
family!)
Every payday it's the same thing: "casting his
bread upon the waters" he calls it. Every week the same
routine: "Okay men, time to cast my bread upon the waters!
Here's your loaves and fishes!" like it was some kind of
fucking miracle or something. And get this: he keeps 10% of
our pay for himself! Really! He claims it's for workplace
upkeep, like we're obligated to provide our own tools and
shit. But I know the sonofabitch just does it to prove that he
can, that he's got more power and glory than us regular
working Joes. What a racket.
And every payday before we
leave he reminds us of the weekly crew meeting next day. These
crew meetings are on our own time, on our day off, and they're
mandatory. What bullshit! "Forsake not the gathering of
yourselves together" he tells us in that prissy far-away voice
of his. Well, you don't need to be a Bearded Jew to prophecy a
threat to your livelihood when you hear one. First time I
attended one of these soirees I figured it was a chance for us
regular stiffs to let the Boss know about problems we was
having on the work site and let off a little steam - you know,
a beef session. Wrong. One of the boys pulled me aside and
told me we was expected to just sit around and talk about what
a helluva great guy the Boss was. I didn't believe him at
first but I was new on the job so I just set back and watched.
And damn if he wasn't right! They all spent the entire time
praising the Boss, telling each other how wonderful it was
that he let us work for him, how great the pay was, and the
working conditions (they suck big-time) and so on. Some of the
biggest brown-nosers had even wrote songs about how much they
loved him, and cried their eyes out while they was singing
them. It's enough to make you sick sometimes. And get this:
the whole time this is going on, the Boss is settin' in the
corner with his nose buried in this "Lamb's Book of Life" that
he always carries around with him and letting on like he
doesn't hear a word we're saying. What a fucking egotistical
prick!
I swear to God, if it wasn't for the excellent
retirement plan they got I'd leave this fucking outfit in a
heartbeat. <END>
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