Let’s Talk About Dicks

I’ll afford your average Christian apologist their intellectual right to mentally masturbate their way into a rationalization to affirm their beliefs, but sometimes their rationalizations are just so far off the deep end that they can’t go unchecked.

The following explanation for why god commanded the removal of foreskins is too ludicrous to give even a polite nod of respect.

The delusional nutbags at God Said, Man Said claim that god knew all the benefits of circumcision long before science revealed them us:

“One last fact to remember is that God commanded the male child to be circumcised on the eighth day. Why the eighth day? On the eighth day of the human life span, vitamin K, which causes blood to clot, reaches it’s peak…the very day God commanded circumcision to be performed.”

Ah, yes. The appearance of vitamin K! The almighty certainly has timed the correction of his poor design quite nicely and precisely!

Now in all fairness, these idiots did give a lengthy list of their justifications for circumcision (all of which are based on bad science and/or founded in fear), but this one is just too mind-numbingly stupid to ignore.

What these cranks fail to acknowledge is the fact that god’s allegedly intelligent design of the male penis (as opposed to every other species with a cock who apparently have no such need for vitamin K) would then have to be the ultimate cause of the necessity of the circumcision procedure. So why the hell did god give men a foreskin in the first place? He’s the master designer. He’s all-powerful. He actually spoke man into existence. Surely this silly vitamin K thing shouldn’t have been an issue for the big guy to get around. God designed us will all sorts of self-correcting conveniences, like our immune system and ability to heal ourselves, yet this tiny piece of skin presents such a problem in need of correction. It’s so important in fact that he even put it in the bible – to the exclusion of other uncountable correctives that would have served us much better. The foreskin isn’t important to us. Clearly we can live and function without it – unlike our major organs that need no such maintenance after only 8 days.

Believers claim that god is omniscient, so he must have known he was creating something he’d later command us to undo. If you believe that god created man, then you must necessarily believe that he gave men a foreskin intentionally. But doing so and then commanding its removal after only 8 days would be like Toyota manufacturing its cars with some intentional benign defect that requires correction after about one week after purchase, and then telling its customers to fix it themselves without explaining why.

But the final nail in their coffin is found in the bible timeline itself. The start of old testament authorship wasn’t until around the time of Moses in 1450 B.C., and it spanned about 1,500 years to completion. But I’ll be really fair and assume instant authorship in a single day. This means that the instruction to slice off the tip of the ween came about 2,300 years late, from the moment of creation to 1450 B.C.

See your little problem there, Lenny? God commanded circumcision in Genesis 17:10-14, yet man didn’t know about it the old testament authors gave us the heads up…or off as it were…around 1450 B.C. I mean, was vitamin K not so important to our physiology for all those years?

Colossal fail.

God said nonsense, man said bullshit!
 

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