FAQ
These are actual questions that I keep getting asked. Some have been reworded to represent the most common and concise form. This page will be updated as needed.
What the fuck is your problem?
For starters, you.
Did you write everything on the site?
For the most part, yes. I am the author of the written pieces unless otherwise noted. As for the exceptions, I have incorporated a few true-life stories from friends as retold be me. (These are all clearly noted.) You will also find some famous quotes peppered throughout the site, links to external websites, assorted videos and photos created by others that I stumbled upon in the vastness of the internet or that were sent in by fans, screen shots of various website postings (e.g. Facebook), and of course there’s the fan mail that I post.
Where/why are you hiding? I want to beat the shit out of you.
If you’re ever in southern Florida and would like to meet for a cup of coffee and discuss your road to recovery or perhaps kick my ass up and down the boulevard, just send me an email and I’ll be happy to meet up with you at a place of my choosing. It’s always fun to meet someone smart enough to threaten a total stranger. (Extrapolate a little tough guy. You’re not the first.)
How old are you?
I’m way old enough to buy booze and way too young to collect social security.
What do you do for a living?
I’d rather not go into the specifics of it, but I’m a corporate guy with a graduate degree who works in the finance biz.
Is it true that you have/had cancer?
No. This rumor came about as a result of having multiple site contributors over the years. An old friend of mine is a cancer survivor, and I have incorporated a few rants about some of his interesting encounters with religious nutbags who tried to prey on his perceived vulnerability. He is one of the admins of my Facebook page, plus I have also promoted a couple of his projects on the site over the years, so over time many have come to confuse me with him. (My biggest medical encounter was a fractured femur while skiing Whistler about 12 years ago.)
Why are you so angry?
I’m not. That’s just the way it appears to you, or rather the way you need to see me. As for the “angry” (if you want to call it that) tone of the site, it’s just my shtick to make a point, offend those who have offended, and entertain those who haven’t. Do I ever get angry? Of course I do – just like everyone else.
Do you think you’re above/better/smarter than Christians?
No. And I never said nor implied that I was.
Why do you hate Christians?
I don’t. And I never said nor implied that I do. What I “hate” (if you prefer that word) is profound human stupidity and when unsolicited religious rhetoric is shoved in my face especially after I’ve made it clear that I’m not interested in hearing it, but I don’t summarily hate the 2.1 billion people on this planet who call themselves Christian.
Why do you hate God/Jesus?
I don’t. And I never said nor implied that I do. I can’t possibly “hate” that which I claim to be imaginary.
Did you ever believe in god?
No. I was raised in a secular [read: culturally] Jewish home. I attended Hebrew school and had a Bar Mitzvah because that’s what Reform Jewish kids do. (It’s a cultural thing that’s hard to understand completely if you weren’t raised in it.) But my parents never spoke of god and neither I nor my siblings bought into it from any external source. When I was around 12 years old I confronted the god question and came to the unwavering conclusion that it was all just a big heaping pile of bullshit that deserved no further contemplation.
How come you don’t believe in anything?
This profoundly illogical question has already been answered here.
If you don’t believe in god, then what will happen to you when you die?
Same as you: absolutely nothing.
Why do you say you’re Jewish if you claim to be an atheist?
I never really said that I was Jewish. All I said was that I was raised in a Jewish family. But when it comes to religious beliefs, I reject all notions of god and that makes me an atheist. Period. And not only do I not believe in a god, I say that no god or gods exist – not now, not ever. As for “being” Jewish, well, that’s a bit tricky. My mother is Jewish (so is my dad) and that makes me Jewish by birth whether I like It or not. It’s not like I can undo it. I also love and embrace the Jewish culture, but that doesn’t make me a theist either. (If I loved and embraced the Chinese culture would that make me Chinese?)
What religion are your parents?
Mom and dad are Jewish by birth but both openly admit that they don’t believe in god. My siblings are also atheists.
What do your kids believe?
I don’t discuss my children on this website, but I will tell you that they are free to follow the religion of their choice, and I would never intervene. They have been taught about all major world religions (as well as the hundreds of lesser-followed religions in a general sense) and were encouraged to come to their own conclusions. This issue is addressed here in further detail.
Is it true that there’s a hidden page on your site?
Actually, there are now two hidden pages. The older one sat undiscovered until February 2010 when someone accidentally stumbled upon a hidden clue – several of which on the Meet the Bastard page point to its location. About a dozen people have come forward since to claim victory. The second hidden page was created in November 2011. All I’ll say about it is that it’s still in the works.
Why don’t you go fuck yourself?
Can’t. My dick’s too small.