On a Dope and a Prayer

Before moving forward, if you haven’t read it yet, read why the notion of prayer is the most mind-numbingly stupid concept ever conceived.

Christians love to argue there way out of any test for the efficacy of prayer, and my job is to goad them into some introspection.

I’ll stipulate that if prayer works, no prayer will necessarily be answered – but you must stipulate that any prayer may be answered. But you won’t. You won’t because you’re an intellectually dishonest coward who fears any kind of skepticism or interrogation that just might rain on your parade. You’re forced to define intellectual and circumstantial boundaries to insulate your beliefs from ruin.

Goad the Wet Sprocket

When confronted with fair challenges to prayer, panicky Christians scramble to argue that god interacts with man solely within the bounds of our physical world and the laws of nature in which we exist.

WRONG!

Aside from the fact that the bible itself proves gods power, desire, and intent to defy uncountable laws of nature, no man (and that includes you) can possibly know what god will or won’t deliver to those who ask for favor no matter how ridiculous or unreasonable their prayer request may be. No one can know god’s will or intentions for anyone, and nothing is beyond his control or abilities. He’s raised the dead, parted the seas, healed the blind, turned water into wine, and got Gilbert Gottfried laid, so blow it out your ass with your inane rationalizations.

Bottom Line: You know nothing of god’s will or intentions for anyone. When it comes to prayer, anything is fair game…if you’ve got the guts to risk looking like a fool…which you don’t. And so you tailor your praying proclivities to ask for only those things that may come to fruition by non-divine means. If your god is all-knowing, all-powerful, and listens to and answers prayer as you claim, then there are no constraints to prayer. Period and end of discussion.

Since I contend that no god exists, it must follow that prayer is utterly useless. But since those who pray obviously reject this truth in favor of its polar opposite, they’ll have to either put up or shut up.

So what do you say we conduct a little test?

Where Money Meets Mouth

I challenge you to prove how well prayer works by praying for my salvation, that I should accept Jesus as my lord and savior.

God need not force or threaten me into submission. All he has to do is slap me upside the head with a personal experience (just like the kind you claim to have had) to bring me to belief (like he did for you). Let’s state this again so it sinks into your teeny tiny brain: You’re asking god to do for me what he did for you.

This challenge violates no laws of nature, and I can’t imagine how your god would love anything more than to flip a god-mocking asshole like me like a monkey flips for a banana. Nothing would be a more impressive or impactful sign of his greatness. He’d win over another crusading soldier for god. I’d take down this website immediately in favor of another that proclaims his existence and love for his children, and I’d dedicate my life to serving him. This is an offer that no mortal or deity could refuse.

The challenge is merely upon you to ask god for this favor. Your god has raised the fucking dead, so your excuses are your own.

The Free Will Excuse

This is were the coward in you vomits forth the following excuse:

“Your challenge is impossible. God can’t force to you believe in him and ask for salvation. Prayer can’t conflict with free will.”

WRONG!

My challenge goes nowhere near free will. Read it again. All you’re doing is asking god to provide a compelling reason for me to believe on my own accord. But nice try.

Regardless, even if my challenge did require god to control or influence my free will, you would have opened a door that completely destroys the foundation of prayer. So I’ll just have to open the door for you.

While the list of reasons why prayer doesn’t work is lengthy, your own free will argument closes the door on the question quite nicely on its own.

Anything that one might pray for (aside from acts of nature, like for rain to save a crop from drought or a bolt of lightening to jump start your flux capacitor sending your DeLorean back to 1985) directly collides with free will somewhere down the line.

• There is absolutely no doubt that at this very moment there are countless Christians with failing marriages who are praying for their holy union to endure despite the free will of the other person involved. This is an absolute certainty.
• There is absolutely no doubt that at this very moment there are countless Christians who are praying for the sick to regain their health despite the free will of doctors and nurses and medical technicians and pharmacists to do their job dutifully and with accuracy. This is an absolute certainty.
• There is absolutely no doubt that at this very moment there are countless Christians suffering financial ruin who are praying for a turn-around in their portfolio despite the free will of millions of investors and corporate decision makers who directly affect their gains and losses. This is an absolute certainty.

Want me to continue? I could cite another 3,271 examples. Or you could step away from your faulty logic and accept that which is patently true to anyone who isn’t afraid to scrutinize their beliefs.

Again, aside from an act of nature, there is no prayer that does not collide with free will. They all do. This stunning fact negates the efficacy of prayer as long as you cling to the free will excuse.

So decide. Either cling to the excuse and accept that prayer cannot work (unless you desire a sunny day, some rain, or perhaps for the tornado to bypass your home, thus sparing your porn collection and weed), or concede that prayer can influence free will and accept my challenge without a lame excuse which never really applied in the first place.

The Final Nail

Every Christian knows that god has free will, and he also has a plan for everyone and everything. Um, hello? Your prayers are a plea that confronts and challenges his will to do as he pleases. But I’ll throw that little problem away like I could kick your ass with one arm tied behind my back. So go in the corner and cry while you suck on this discussion ender:

How many times have you uttered the phrase (and we all know that you have), “I’ll pray for you…” to a godless bastard like me?

No, no, no. Don’t try to backpedal. It’s not gonna happen. You and I and everyone else knows EXACTLY what you meant. You’re done here. Move along. You have no way out of this.

Show Me the Money

I will pay $10,000 (U.S. funds) to the first person to come forward and claim responsibility for me accepting Jesus as my personal lord and savior by virtue of their prayer for me. Seriously. The cash is yours for the taking if you can deliver the goods in compliance with my rules as stated below.

All of the following five conditions must be met in order to collect the $10,000 reward:

1. You must pray for my salvation (i.e. for me to accept Christ as my lord and savior). You may also have others pray for me if you choose, but I will pay only one person the $10,000 reward which he/she may do with as they please.
2. I must accept Jesus Christ as my personal Lord and Savior on my own accord.
3. I must announce on this website that I’ve been saved.
4. You must be the first person to notify me (based on the date and time received) by email sent to TheBastard@GodlessBastard.com. Your email must include a phone number at which you personally may be reached.
5. You and I must both act on our own accord, and at no time may anyone else act on our behalf in whole or in part.

I will pay the reward via bank check delivered by U.S. mail.

This is my challenge. Put up or shut up.

Not So Fast, Johnny

Here’s the flip side. (You knew there had to be a flip side.) Either facilitate my personally confessed salvation to fruition through prayer or admit that prayer is a sham.

But here’s the thing. You’re not going to pray for my salvation. Not now, not ever. You won’t even try. And it has nothing to do with free will or god’s “master plan” or anything else along those lines.

The truth is, you won’t pray for me because you KNOW it will have absolutely no affect. Deep down inside you KNOW that prayer doesn’t work. Deep down inside you KNOW that prayer is for quitters. Deep down inside you KNOW that prayer is nothing more than the final act of desperation for weak-willed, self-deceiving, cowardly people who can’t cope with imperfection in the world as well as imperfection in their own lives. You KNOW all this to be true but just can’t bring yourself to admit it. It’s too threatening to your entire belief system.

And if you think my challenge is silly, then congratulations. You now know how I feel about your belief in the efficacy of prayer.
 

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