Submitted by a fan of the site…

Source:

An email from a casual acquaintance whose life hasn’t turned out quite the way she planned. Let’s call her “Wacko.”

A friend of mine (we’ll call her “Julie”) fell upon hard times and her fashion business collapsed. Near financial ruin and in desperate need of income, I sent out a distress call to my network of friends and colleagues to help her find a job. I included Wacko’s email address by mistake. She wasn’t fit to assist in any way.

Wacko (who I’m guessing is in her late 40′s, maybe 50-ish) has what appears to be an imaginary multi-faceted career for which she strives daily to maintain a facade. She masquerades as a musician (whose website features only one ancient album having no clearly discernible label for sale nowhere else as far as I can tell for a paltry 10 bucks), photographer (with no discernible clients but several stripperish self-portraits that are easily 20 years old), author (of some vague, unnamed political coffee table book that I can’t trace anywhere), and “pop art” artist (whose work is not for sale anywhere that I can find). Her website drops a few big names with whom she allegedly worked, but given that her top review is by an unknown DJ at a tiny student-run college radio station in Maine, I’m inclined to dismiss them all as lie or gross exaggeration. In the mind of someone trying to manufacture a celebrity collaboration, the words “worked with” probably mean “was in the same room as.”

At any rate, to fulfill Wacko’s need for self-worth, self-validation, and further the delusion of having a working, growing, and successful career, she proceeded to interrogate me about Julie’s qualifications and intentions to keep any job that came her way – her valid implication being that a personal in dire financial straits will take any job out of desperation and then bail when a better opportunity comes along.

Wacko wanted to make sure that she didn’t recommend Julie to her network of business partners (i.e. likely no one) unless she passed the scrutiny of her evaluation. Wacko claimed to know someone who might hire Julie, and this individual was someone she was going to hire someday for her own company. Wacko didn’t want to blindly stick her neck out for some stranger. Ordinarily, this would be a reasonable and prudent course of action, but Wacko has no company (except but for in her mind) and is in dire need of career advice herself.

Anyway, another friend found Julie a really awesome job in just three days. And as luck would have it, it turned out to be anything but a desperation job. It was in her industry and perfectly aligned with her career plan.

What she said [unedited]:

“Congratulations! I am very happy for her – I know that people were trying their best to help out a soul in need – def sounded like she was not far from being on the street – There are alot of people in dire straights right now who are willing to do anything at this point to keep a roof over their heads – I love the story of the CEO delivering pizza to protect his family – It is that exact humble and grateful attitude to rebuild his life that secured his success in the first place – just get ‘er done – now that’s a real cowboy – Like I said there is no doubt in my mind that Julie’s clothing line will do well – there is no expiration date on talent – and she will succeed – it’s terrific that God blessed her with such a great gig.”

What she really meant:

“Julie reminds me of myself and God will do for me what he did for her at a time and place of his choosing.”

Category:

Delusional Masturbation

Ratings:

Stupidity (9)
Delusion (10)
Cowardice (3)
Weakness (5)
Crankiness (3)

Post Mortem:

Wacko was clearly talking about herself. She constantly touts her Canadian ranch upbringing, which is reflected in her “…just get ‘er done – now that’s a real cowboy.” But all that aside, according to Wacko, god allowed Julie’s business to suddenly implode putting her in profound and immanent danger of losing her home…but he “blessed her with such a great gig” just in the nick of time to avoid disaster. God: the cure for a problem of its own creation.

On a side note, while it’s generally (but not necessarily) true that “there is no expiration date on talent” there is most definitely an expiration date on public interest. There is also no expiration date on delusion apparently. Time to pack it up, Wacko.