You Don’t Know Shit
Overheard at the gym by a religiously tattooed numbskull who we’ll call Meathead. His friend, let’s call him Asshat, was complaining about how and why his “fuckin’ wife” [exact words] left him for mostly unintelligible reasons (e.g. “the bitch said this, the bitch said that”). But despite all the drama and accusation, he wanted Bitch to stay. But Bitch had other plans and poor Asshat didn’t get what he wanted. Boo frickin’ hoo.
What follows was Meathead’s mind-numbingly stupid rationalization for his friend.
What He Said [Paraphrased]
“You should be thankful for all of what you didn’t get in life. You think you know what’s best for you and your life plan? You don’t know shit, and this was just god’s way of proving it.”
What He Really Meant
“Things didn’t turn out quite the way you planned, and that sucks. But it’s easier and infinitely less painful to believe that some imaginary sky daddy is looking out for you and deciding what’s in your best interests than it is to admit that either (a) you fucked up and have no one to blame but yourself, (b) you didn’t have luck or good timing on your side, or (c) someone else’s needs, desires, and control decided that you’re just not entitled to or deserving of that thing you wanted but didn’t get. Sucks to be you, dude. Get the fuck over it.”
Mind-Numbingly Stupid Rationalization
This classic Christian offering is what we in the rational world call the Failed Coward’s Mantra (for those who don’t get what they want in life), or the “Look What God Did For Me” Testimony (for those who do).
Nothing is a clearer example of complete and total absolution of personal accountability. And I might suggest that you go with option (b) when secretly cursing god. It’s the pill easiest for blame passers to swallow. (No, it couldn’t possibly be anything you did.)
Along identical lines, I recently received a Facebook newsfeed from a friend’s God Wants You To Know application, spewing the same total absolution/cowardly mindset:
“[Member Name] got a message that on this day, God wants her to know…that what you are most afraid of is where your greatest rewards are. If all you had to do was wish for something and you would have it, life would be pretty boring, wouldn’t it? God placed barriers between us and what we want, so we can enjoy interesting and satisfying lives. God hid our biggest rewards behind the highest barriers – our deepest fears. God wants us to face our fears, and hold ground in their presence, and let them go, and that’s how we get out biggest rewards. What are you most afraid of? Say it, just start by saying it.”
In other words, if you get that thing that you desire then god has given you a gift – but you get to pat yourself on the back for the achievement and for conquering your fear. That’s praise to the almighty and self-validation in one! But if you don’t get that thing that you desire then you only failed because it’s either god’s will (remember, he knows what’s best for you), or because you’re human and fell short of his glory. You see, Christians have set up the rules of logic and happenstance so that no matter the outcome they can always claim a win, confirmation, and validation. This is why you just can’t win when dealing with the Christian mentality.