I’m Rubber and You’re Glue
An email sent in response to my former Spam-a-Fundy notification.
This is how it worked. You submitted to me [via email] the address of that special bible-puncher in your life, and they’d receive the following email via an automated process:
Someone you know submitted your email address to this auto-generated notification request. It has recently come to my attention that you are a deeply disturbed, religiously deluded person. Only a moron would believe that god is real, and as such I am genuinely concerned about your intellectual well-being. It is of critical importance that you know about GodlessBastard.com. Do you want to spend the rest of your pathetic existence wallowing in clinical delusion, cowardice, weakness, gullibility, and general intellectual inferiority? Well, you’re doomed to do so unless someone shakes coherence into your malfunctioning gray matter. And I’m here to help do just that.
I suggest you start reading my website immediately and forward it to all of the other delusional god-believing people in your life.
And ask yourself, why be born again when you can just grow up?
-The Godless Bastard
After 4 years of spamming activity and some fair and reasonable introspection, I decided to retire the feature. It was spam, and spam isn’t fair. But while the feature was active, someone submitted Richie Madeira’s email address and it prompted the following response.
What He Said [Verbatim]
“only a fool will not believe in god.who told the ocean u can only cum this far and who told the sun when to rise in the mourning.and how did world come into existence who made animals and who made humans u tell me anytrhing but i kno its god my god JESUS CHRIST who rose from the dead and will reign forever more and he will judge people like you so if i was you i would start going to church and learning about god and its not pathetic to be a christian who is it pathetic to be the children of a king? as far as i see you are blind and you are the moron.!!!!”
What He Really Meant
“You implied that I’m a moron and it struck a nerve, so I’m calling you a moron back. In your face asshole!”
Knee-Jerk Defense Mechanism
I can make my peace with the knee-jerky nature of Richie’s response. While his faithlessness is proved by this stunning act of self-incrimination, it’s his abysmal spelling, grammar, and 78 word run-on sentence that scare the crap out of me. Such proof of religious insecurity always puts a smile on my face. And his “who told the ocean u can cum this far…” qualifies as the creepiest Christian comeback I’ve ever received. For a moment I thought Richie was sending me an excerpt from a bad porno script.
Mr. Madeira may be reached here for feedback.