I’ve always been skeptical of all those strange image sightings of Jesus and Mary that seem to pop up in the most random places. Whether it was on a grilled cheese sandwich or a dog’s hairy ass, I always believed the claim to be a hoax. Two weeks ago I finally became a believer.

I took this picture with my cell phone camera while using the stomach crunch machine at my gym:

Sensing a higher influence, I glanced up to behold this stunning reflection in the wall mirror.

Jesus is clearly not pleased with my evil, blasphemous ways and has sent proof of his existence via athletic footwear. I can’t even comprehend a clearer way through which to convey his presence in my life.

Given this undeniable divine footwear revelation, the ad men at Nike might now have to change their slogan to “Just Jew it.”
 

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