This pool of vomit comes to us from Larren in Paducah, Kentucky…where Jesus is loved and sheep are nervous.
I snagged this cell phone picture during a church service for the baptism of a friend’s daughter. After the holy anointing of the sinful newborn, Pastor Fuckstick (disguised below to protect the guilty) proceeded to publicly brainwash young children to ensure their confirmation of lunacy once they reach the age of reason.
After reminding these impressionable children that they were born in sin and destined to BURN IN HELL FOR ETERNITY (okay, those are my words, but the message is the same) unless they stayed on the path to Jesus, he proceeded to tell them how.
First he showed them a rather crude one-page local area road map (shown above) and pointed out the location of his house and his church. Then he explained how he uses it to find the way back to his [long pause] “earthly home.” (Yeah, you can see where this is going, eh?)
Then he pulled out a book of maps and explained that there are many paths in life and that some maps won’t get you [long pause] “all the places you’ll eventually need to go.” (Queasy yet?)
And finally he pulled out a single 8×11 inch piece of paper with the name JESUS written on it in big bold letters.
You’re smart. You know where it went from there.
I went home, puked in the sink, and took a long hot shower to remove the stink.