Meet the Bastard
Why Godless Bastard? (To make a fucking point.)
Opinions are like assholes; everybody has one. I have many. (Opinions, that is.)
If you’re a theist of any kind this website’s name alone probably has you trying to discern my motive right about now. Fellow non-believers, being free from religious delusion, will see only familiar arguments (peppered with some entertainment value just for laughs) offered by a comrade in arms. But if you’re a believer, in all likelihood you’ve concluded that I’m on some desperate mission to pull Christians away from god, to convert them to materialistic atheism.
Aside from your stunning arrogance to presume (as all Christians do) that belief must be a decision for Christ to the exclusion of all other options, you couldn’t be further from the truth.
In fact, I am out to convert no one.
The simple truth is, I have rather selfish motives for not trying to convert theists to atheism – or rather back to atheism, the way they entered this world before their parents brainwashed them or before ennui, weakness, profound trauma, or a nearing expiration date beat them into submission.
You’re Too Unevolved to be Trusted with figuring this out on your own.
Life is a very delicately balanced equation with millions of constants and unstable variables, one of which is religion. And for as silly as I think it is, from time to time religion does do a pretty decent job keeping the children in line – and I have no desire to mess with the equation.
I’m just against all the crusading.
So what is this selfish motive? It’s really quite simple:
I want you to be obedient to your god and fearful of eternal punishment. Once that fear goes away morally corrupt people like you will start breaking the rules and then we’ll all be in a world of shit.
Christians argue that one can’t be moral without god. They say that without god we can’t know what’s right and what’s wrong. To any thinking person this is utter nonsense, but I’m going to hold them to that maxim as it works to my advantage.
If Christians are correct and justified in the aforementioned postulation then you should all be scared senseless, because if it wasn’t for their belief in and fear of a vengeful god, they would all be raping and murdering little children as well as committing every other vile, repulsive, morally repugnant, depraved act imaginable.
Sorry kids, but it works both ways. You can’t argue that one can’t be moral without god and then take offense to the charge of your would-be immorality without the ever-watchful big bad sky cop who pulls all the strings. And if you’re now inclined to argue that one can be moral without god, then you’ve just pissed all over half of the bible and laid waste to the concept of salvation. (Feel free to start backpedaling anytime you please. I’m happy either way.)
How truly sad Christians are. How morally off-center and common sense-lacking a person must be to need the fear of eternal damnation to keep them from committing the most evil of human acts. I have more faith and trust in my dog’s ability not to crap on the carpet. Anyone with half a brain and an ounce of decency would know not to do these things and not need any god to command them as such, but I suppose there’s no accounting for intelligence.
I Demand That You Remain an Obedient Monkey to common sense.
If the fear of going someplace really awful for all eternity is going to keep you from killing, raping, molesting, stealing, vandalizing, deceiving, cheating, selling drugs to little kids and being an all-around scumbag, then I want you to believe with all your heart. And I want you as fearful of god as possible. I want you to dance like the fearful, obedient, well-trained little monkey that your god commands you to be. It makes me feel safe and secure to know that there’s one less would-be criminal to worry about.
But even more to the point, when it comes to dealing with theists my selfishness extends to a “more for me” attitude. I admit this openly and without shame. Being as religion enslaves easily malleable minds it’s to my advantage for theists to stay as unenlightened as possible. This is why I don’t preach to theists as they would preach to me, and I no longer respond to their inane arguments with any expectation of enlightenment instilled. (No, this site isn’t preaching; it’s ranting. Got it? And remember, you came to me.) Where I once engaged the theistically misguided I now write them off as a lost and hopeless cause. Unfortunately they don’t feel the same way about me.
Believe me when I say that if you’re a god-fearing Christian I want you just as you are – except for all the unsolicited preaching. But I’m a realistic guy and I look for a win wherever I can find one.
If this website gives you only a moment of pause, great. If it makes you ease up on the preaching even just a little, at the very least when you know it’s not appreciated, fantastic. And if neither of these apply but I’ve managed to piss you off, then you will have paid me the highest compliment. And gauged by the insane volume of Christian hate mail I receive, this website is doing its job quite nicely.
But still, why does this website exist? (You’re close. Very close.)
What’s Good for the Goose is a taste of his own medicine.
Intellectual honesty time. When was the last time you saw an atheist standing on a street corner handing out anti-religion tracts or pamphlets on evolution?
How many channels on your TV are dedicated 24/7 to atheism broadcasting where some authority figure begs for money and deceives medically impaired people with cheap theatrics for financial gain?
See any atheist missionaries invading third-world nations trying to muscle poor, uneducated, vulnerable, starving Christians to reject Jesus in exchange for some food?
When was the last time an atheist knocked on your front door trying to persuade you to abandon your god?
How about a mass-media publicized anti-religion rock concert or festival to convert good Christians to god-mocking atheism? (Before you even think of going there, don’t confuse an event where atheists gather for social and informative gain with an act of proselytization. Not the same, but nice try.)
To all these things and many more, the answer is probably never. Aside from a few aberrant instances, all of these unsolicited offenses are reserved for theists – and almost always Christians.
Maybe I’m a magnet for it, or perhaps I’m just one of life’s lucky people, but evangelical Christians love to shove their rhetoric in my face. And they do so with long-winded inane diatribes hinging on silly premises, founded in circular logic, and reeking of desperation. What’s so thoroughly amazing is that they’re all completely oblivious to the fact that I’m neither impressed nor intimidated, and that I can’t be sold and that I just don’t care.
Why All the Attitude? (I’m baiting you.)
This website was inspired by (and evolved in direct response to) a world filled with unsolicited in-your-face Christian rhetoric to which I chose to respond.
Know that my response was not prompted by insecurity or anger. It was prompted entirely by principle and a desire to provide some much need parity and perspective.
Know this: I am not being proactive. I am merely being reactive.
Unsolicited religious rhetoric is offensive to my ears. If you’re one who preaches your flavor of dogma to others, let my rhetoric be offensive to your ears.
Soon you’ll know of how I feel when a Christian tells me that Jesus loves me and that the only way I can get to heaven is to accept him as my personal lord and savior. Actually, you already know how this makes me feel as you’ve been fuming since the second paragraph on this page.
But that’s okay. You’ll quickly forget that I made this prediction, or more likely you’ll conveniently deny your offense. And trust me, you will.
They always do. Always.
For the most part, the discussion, promotion, and advocacy of atheism and agnosticism in general have been left to the Internet in a wholly unsolicited manner. This is my small part. If you’re offended by it, then remind yourself that you came to me. All I did was set the trap to make a point – and if you’ve read this far you’ve already stepped into it.
Because Christians Are Predictable they will invariably do the following.
If you’re a theist, especially a Christian, do yourself a favor and bookmark this page right now because I’ll be referencing it in my response to the hate mail you’ll feel compelled to send me. (And you will.) But you’ll temper your response so as not to give me the satisfaction. I’ve seen it a thousand times. You’ll kick it off with some derivation of a non-confrontational “This isn’t hate mail” or faux open-minded and non-aggressive “I just don’t get it” lead-in. In a failed attempt to mask your own pain and guilt-ridden self-loathing, some of you will opt for the “Why are you so angry?” or “I pity you” approach.
But my all-time favorite hate mail veil is the thin and insincere “You appear to be an intelligent person” or “You seem like a decent guy” (which is invariably paired with the “I admire your logic” compliment). Feel free to choose any facade you prefer, but I’ll always see it for what it is. You’re a dog who bites out of fear while pretending to not be afraid. (Could you be any more obvious?)
Those of you who feel the most threatened will almost always represent that you have a background in science – or at least you’ll imply authority so as not to be called on it – by peppering your knee-jerk panic fire with scientific terms and theories. (These jackasses tend to throw around the word “quantum” a lot. Bet your life savings on it.)
Hint: Just copy and paste your choice of the italicized text above into your email. I’m all about making your life easier.
Just Who the Hell Do I Think I Am? (Someone who’s hopeful you’ll get the point.)
I was raised in an ultra-reform Jewish home where god was never mentioned. I went to Hebrew school and had a Bar Mitzvah. I was even confirmed when I was in high school, although I was really just going through the motions. I suppose it was mostly due to my love of the Jewish culture and the fact that all my Jewish friends were doing likewise. (Unless you were raised in a culturally Jewish home that might be a bit hard to understand.) But did I ever believe in god? No. It sounded all too manufactured and just too easy.
Many people would consider me to be a secular Jew, but I reject the beliefs of Judaism as I do all other religions. And never did its tenets influence my moral code, worldview, or the way I lived my life. (Innate human decency, common sense, and a little fear of man’s law shaped all those things quite nicely without the need for some spooky divine lawgiver.) And so around the time I was 13, after my requisite Bar Mitzvah had passed, I officially declared myself an atheist and disassociated myself from inane theological beliefs and practices.
I consider myself to be very intelligent, well educated, well rounded, well traveled, opinionated beyond definition, and stubborn as a mule. I am also imperfect. Everyone is. That’s what keeps the playing field level. But if nothing else the Godless Bastard always keeps his word. Again, I am not being proactive. I am merely being reactive. The day evangelical Christians knock off all the unsolicited preaching is the day I’ll retire this website. Will that day ever come? Not a chance. Am I clueless enough to believe that my stupid website will have any impact? Of course not, but it will remain on principle.
My Site, My Rules (You’ll send me hate mail because you don’t like them.)
I have a lot to say about almost everything. My opinions are not always correct and they may not always be of interest you, but I don’t care. You see, that’s the definition of an opinion. And if you don’t want to hear mine because you feel threatened by what I have to say, then exercise your freedom of choice and find a website that soothes your insecurities.
The Godless Bastard calls ‘em as he sees ‘em. Throughout this website I will judge, criticize, mock, and laugh at people who I deem to be religious lunatics – like this handsome moron:
Embrace the painful truth. You think he’s thoroughly delusional – batshit fucking crazy and detached from reality. You judge his relative intelligence because of his inane beliefs – just as I judge yours. And you think much less of him intellectually – as I do you. He’s weak, gullible, and a total fool. (It stings a bit, doesn’t it Bubeleh?) Well, I don’t draw lines based on the flavor of belief and I never sugar-coat what others choose to whitewash. This moron is no less delusional than any Christian or Jew who believes in talking snakes. I have (and choose to find) no other way to say it.
Some of you will agree with my opinions, in whole or in part. If you are one of them I commend you. Enjoy my website take from it whatever you please. I welcome your comments and thank you for your support.
Some of you will disagree with me. You may find me offensive, insulting, mean or [insert your own adjective]. If you’re one of them, that’s fine. I don’t care. Feel free to leave and never return to this site. Send all the hate mail you desire or go tell someone who cares. I will read each email received and try to respond as time permits. I won’t entertain debate challenges for reasons already stated, but I’ll give you all the equal time you’d like to showcase your opinions and theories. I’ll post your email (uncensored and unedited) right here on the site. And rest assured that your anonymity request will be honored.
Some of you will be indifferent about my opinions. If you are one of them, that’s fine. I would encourage you to enjoy my writings and consider putting proselytizers in their place the next time you’re the recipient of unsolicited religious rhetoric. At the very least I’m sure you will find this website entertaining.
If you don’t believe in god then share this website with your like-minded friends as they might enjoy it. If you do believe in god then share it with your like-minded friends as they need to pray for me. Go ahead. I defy your god and personally dare you to do so.
I also get my fair share of hate mail from high-ground atheists and agnostics who don’t care much for my (patently over the top) manner of delivery. If you fall into this category, I ask you to lose the attitude so that you might understand the reason for mine. I already explained it all over this page but you missed it for the same reason that most theists do. Try again, and this time try listening instead of reacting. I have faith that you’re smarter than your average theist, so hang in there big guy.
And to the believers who still don’t get what this is all about, I’ll give you a hint. The answer is on this very page but you’ll be in the dark until you find it.
Hit Me With Your Best Snot (Hidden hyperlinks are a curious thing, don’t you think?)
To give feedback about the site, yell at me, threaten me, call me names, or subscribe to my updates, visit the Talk to The Bastard page. I’ll answer any questions you may have as time permits, but check my FAQ first.
If you would like to reproduce any of my work or link to this site, please read the Adbella Rule first. Link any way you want but use my banner if it’s convenient. (Right-click the image and select Save Target As. Resize as needed.)
Thanks for visiting and enjoy the site. And if your god doesn’t like the way I live, then let him tell me – not you.
- The Godless Bastard
P.S. The pervasive lowercase g and h is intentional. (You’re smart. You’ll figure it out.)