When Bullies Run For Cover

I receive threats of physical violence all the time, but this one pissed me off so much that I couldn’t let it slide.

If you’re new to the site you probably won’t be familiar with my former Spam-a-Fundy feature. The way it worked was simple. All you had to do was submit an email address and the system would automatically pump out a snarky message to smack the desired recipient upside the head and direct them to this site. It’s annoying, perfectly legal, and an unfortunate byproduct of the internet. (Life’s tough. Get over it.)

At any rate, after 4 years of spamming activity and some fair and reasonable introspection, I decided to retire the feature. It was spam, and spam isn’t fair.

While the feature was still active, someone submitted the address of Mr. Tough Guy (below) and he saw fit to threaten me with physical violence through an anonymous guestbook entry. He signed the entry with his first name only (Tad) and a fake email address. (Remember this as there’s some stunning irony coming your way shortly.)

IP: 70.73.41.175
Date: Thursday, March 25, 2010 1:46 AM
Name: Tad
Email: spam@godlessbastard.com

Where do you live?
[withheld]

What is your religious affiliation?
Catholic

How did you find the Godless Bastard?
Some POS [piece of shit] spam…classy.lol

Comments:
Looking for some Godless punk to “go” with. Anywhere, anytime. I’ve beaten the crap out of a few heathens before, but I’ve noticed the vast majority are just spineless punks, who, when confronted, push their small balls back into their spineless abdomen. So, I’m looking for someone to talk shit in person and deal with the outcome.

IRONY ALERT #1: Whoa. Let me get this straight. Did this moron just say that I’ll have to “deal with the outcome?” Really? Tad, are you sure you want to say something so profoundly reckless to a total stranger? That’s a pretty risky move dude. Also, you said you’re “looking for some [Godless] punk to ‘go’ with?” Ya know, that sounds awfully gay. Are you repressing something there big fella? (But hey, who am I to judge? I’m just sayin’.)

So it appears that our schoolyard bully read my FAQ, and after asking his wife (or maybe it was his mommy) what “extrapolate” meant, he figured out that such threats don’t rattle me. He stewed in it for a short while and then returned to my guestbook and posted the following:

Aw, never mind. Just saw something in the FAQ that I was right about your balls not dropping yet. But honestly, don’t you find it tough to go through life as a coward? Maybe you’re not living like a man, but you can still go out as one. Good luck.

IRONY ALERT #2: This guy signed my guestbook with his first name only and a fake email address and then calls me a coward? I’m sorry, but who exactly is the coward? And I don’t know about you, but “maybe you’re not living like a man, but you can still go out as one” sounds a lot like a death threat to me. What exactly do you mean by “go out” Tad? It would appear that you either want to kill me or date me, and I’m not crazy about either option.

But what this world-class thinker didn’t know was that he unintentionally revealed his true identity by posting his first name in my guestbook. All I did was match it up to the most recent email addresses submitted to the automated system by date/time stamp. (It was impossible to miss as his email address is his full name.) I chose not to publish any of his contact information here – all of which are publicly available on the internet with a simple Google search of his name, all free and legal.

Ladies and gentleman, meet internet tough guy, Tad Wintershall.

As hard as it may be to believe, Tad once worked as spokesman for the [withheld] Police Department. I can’t imagine why he’s no longer there [dripping with sarcasm] but feel free to draw your own conclusions. At the time of this incident he worked in the mortgage biz, but it would appear now that he either quit or was fired. I certainly can’t know for sure.

So I sent Tad an email cautioning him that making threats of physical violence to total strangers is quite possibly the dumbest thing a person can do. And then being the philanthropist that I am, I offered my sexual services to his wife as he’s probably incapable of delivering the goods on his own. (Okay, that was hitting below the belt and a little childish, but the asshat deserved it.)

Anyway, I told him that I’d honor his request to meet me and give him a chance to show me how tough he really was. But stupid is as stupid does. This cyber-bully who warned me that I might have to “deal with the outcome” never considered for one second that perhaps such violent threats (if made public to the right people) might not only sully his professional reputation, but that he might also face some serious legal hassles (if reported to the police). Apparently this former spokesman for law enforcement doesn’t know that spam isn’t a justifiable excuse for physical assault. Either he’s a wannabe rogue cop or the [withheld] Police Department needs to revamp its training program.

While I confess that I can be a colossal prick at times, I do have my moments of fairness. So after taking a few minutes to rethink my response, I figured I’d show him more grace than your average Christian would extend to a baby-eating atheist like me. I sent him a VERY sincere apology for my sexually insulting comment toward his wife and retracted my heavy-handed (but wholly justified) strike to his reputation.

As if he couldn’t make things any worse, Tad replied in two separate emails:

Oh, you have my name. What’s yours? Or are you going to hide all your pathetic life? Where and when?

IRONY ALERT #3: Yet again, this idiot threatens me with physical violence behind the veil of guestbook anonymity…and I’m the one who’s hiding? Riiiight.

I’m going to Florida soon. I’ll swing by. Give me your address.

First, we ALL know you have no plans to go to Florida anytime soon. Second, even you did, we ALL know that you’d never “swing by” only to end up in jail, thus ruining your (alleged) trip. Third, even if you were to swing by, how DUMB must you be to think that you could stomp on my turf, take a physically aggressive posture with me, and have any chance of walking away unscathed? Are you really that confident, or do you think I’m really that careless?

Take this to heart. If you’re dumb enough to come after me in the same way you have “beaten the crap out of a few heathens before” [your exact words] then count on going home with your teeth in a bag. Not on my turf son. It’s called self-defense, and I’d be well prepared.

Know that Mr. Wintershall has yet to offer anything that even smacks of an apology even after I extended an olive branch and offered a truce. In fact, quite the opposite is true. This muttonhead actually has the temerity to now threaten me with police action.

Can you believe the balls on this guy? He wrote:

Hey asshole. You tracked me down. Nice. Didn’t know you were so disturbed. Did you track me down when I was with the police too?

If you did, then you will take this seriously. I sent your threatening e-mail (which you talked about raping my wife? Remember?) to the local police to see if they felt a crime had been committed… no shit. Uttering threats is what we call it here. This, subsequently, would allow them to warrant your Internet provider and push you out of your hole to get your identity. No kidding.

I blocked your email after that as they the officer I spoke with said not to have any more contact with you. This is the last one. Promise.

The BEST thing you can do for yourself is go away and hope the local police don’t pursue this. Or, provide some more evidence for them on your Web site – thanks for letting me know. Your call. (PS, every electronic transmission sent or received in the province is kept by the provider by law, forever – not the contents but the day, time, etc… it’s going to be hard to argue that you’re not threatening my wife when you’re initiating contact..) Goodbye.

My, my, my, well isn’t that nice. Now Tad’s accusing me of threatening to rape his wife! Who would have guessed? But no, I don’t think so. I believe what I told you was that I’d do her a favor with her begging consent (after you beat the crap out of me, of course). Please, for the love of god, get it straight. (No folks, I’m not proud of any of this childishness, but it really rubs me the wrong way when Christians threaten me.)

Okay, so it’s clear that Tad is crapping his pants because he threatened the wrong guy, and now he’s scrambling for an out with some poorly executed misdirection. (Pssst. Not gonna work Tad.) All you had to do was apologize. And unlike what any Christian would extend, the offer is still open.

By the way, I wonder if Tadley told the cops that he admitted to beating the crap out of other heathen before. Hmmm. And I also wonder if he told them that he threatened to COME TO FLORIDA JUST TO BEAT THE CRAP OUT OF ME before I even uttered one word to him. Not that it matters (it doesn’t) because he never talked to the cops. He’s not that stupid. Quite frankly, I wish he was. But he should take heed that he’s not the only one with law enforcement contacts. I can call in a favor too, so go ahead and posture all you want. Have your (probably fake) attorney buddies send all the hollow cease and desist emails you want. I’ll only post them here on the site. You don’t have a case and you don’t scare me. Not even a little.

Now go crawl back into your little bully hole, Wintershall. You’re a wet paper bag with a bad cop haircut. (Yeah, I saw the picture.) I’m neither impressed nor intimidated by your bravado, so consider yourself lucky. This is the worst of my intended response to your threat.

Epilogue

Bullies are as bullies do (and everyone eventually Google’s their ex-whatever), so it should come as no surprise that someone else would eventually come along to confirm Tad to be the colossal a-hole that I found him to be.

In all fairness, she may very well be a woman scorned – but she’s so on the money that I have to give her the benefit of a doubt:

From: [withheld]
Date: Friday, 26 November 2010 1:19 PM
Subject: Tad Wintershall

I came across your website when I Googled my ex-husband, Tad Wintershall. I see that he has been active on your website. No surprise there. He is a godless, gutless, Momma’s boy whose umbilical cord to his pathetic catholic (note the small “c” … read into that what you will) mother has never been severed. It’s a sick relationship between those two. Bordering on incest. But I digress!! Don’t pay you no never mind to his drivel. He despises women. He is a pathetic, sick freak who is addicted to porn, alcohol and a whole bunch of other “no-nos” that his disgraceful religion espouses. He is all bark and no bite. He talks a good game, but when it comes down to action, he cowers as all catholics do, because they don’t have a leg to stand on. Their religion is man-made. It has nothing to do with the truth. He is nothing short of a retarded dumb-ass that bullies people. Feel free to publish this e-mail.

Leah and Angie, Haley, Duggar and Sonny the beagles.

For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. 2 Timothy 1:7.

To this day I still sit on the fence as to whether or not I should report him for threatening me. Perhaps someday I will – or perhaps I could leave him to a more terrifying fate: his ex-wife.