In response to one or another of his mindless anti-atheist diatribes, I asked one of my highly rabid Catholic Facebook friends two very simple YES or NO type questions:

1. Nearly one billion Hindus on this spinning orb believe that Brahma created the world from an egg. If you believe this to be myth (and I’m certain that you do), then you necessarily believe that this is delusional thinking. Are Hindus deluded in this respect? YES or NO.
2. Mormons believe that father god (Elohim) was once a flesh and blood man who lives on a planet near the star Kolob. Is this delusional thinking? YES or NO.

For as much as I browbeat the prick, he refused to answer either question. (Shocking, I know.) We exchanged at least a dozen posts (too much to post here at the risk of boring you) wherein he obfuscated and vomited forth subterfuge after subterfuge thinking that somehow this would make the questions go away.

In all fairness, he did make one small attempt to feign moral high ground by declaring that he didn’t want to “say negative things about Hindus.” No. That’s not gonna work. Not on my watch. You’re a backpedaling little weasel – and I’m onto it.

But after I grew tired of bitch slapping his ass around, I dropped the hammer and did for him what he was clearly incapable of doing (or unwilling to do) for himself.

Here’s my anonymized response to his repeated refusals. (I’ll call him Craven Morehead and refer to myself using my internet moniker.) You may attribute any confusing references to the prior omitted posts.

Christians will always refuse to answer YES or NO questions that pin them to an impeachable position. ALWAYS. Every single time. And we all know why. But being the awesome (and handsome) fucking guy that I am, I’ll save you effort and answer both questions for you. Free of charge, of course. I do this in an act of philanthropy.

First the short answers:

1. YES

2. YES

And now Craven Morehead will elaborate:

I, Craven Morehead, am an intelligent man. I know exactly what delusional means. I know that it does not necessarily imply clinical insanity or all-encompassing stupidity. I am perfectly aware that the word refers to a fixed false belief that is resistant to change despite evidence to the contrary. And as it pertains to religion, I, Craven Morehead, believe that it applies to everyone else’s beliefs – not mine – because I don’t like it when assholes like Godless Bastard think I’m wacked out because of them. (He’s such a douchebag.)

I, Craven Morehead, believe that Mormons are completely deluded in their utterly ridiculous belief that the father of Jesus was a flesh and blood man who lives on a planet near the star Kolob…in addition to the other countless tripe in the Book or Mormon and related LDS scripture (e.g. Book of Abraham) – ALL of which conflict with true Christian doctrine.

I, Craven Morehead, believe that Hindus (who represent nearly 15% of humanity) are completely deluded in their utterly ridiculous belief that Brahma created the world from an egg.

I, Craven Morehead, believe that Muslims (who represent nearly 24% of humanity) are completely deluded in their belief in Allah and the fact that Jesus was NOT the son of god.

I, Craven Morehead, believe that all of the other remaining world religions (that collectively represent approximately 44% of humanity – excluding the 16% who are “non-religious”) are founded in false beliefs, and that makes their adherents necessarily deluded – by definition.

Note: Christianity accounts for only 30% of the whole of humanity, which is just over 7 billion people. Christians are generally quick to claim kingship as the world’s largest religion (as if that somehow defines truth) yet remain oblivious to the fact that 70% of the planet believes something else or nothing at all.

But I, Craven Morehead, will not go on record and say any of this NOT because I want to take the moral high ground or because I don’t want to be the most hated man in the room – a job reserved entirely for Godless Bastard. No. I refuse to answer these questions because my answers are IDENTICAL to what an atheist believes. I will not go on record and say any of the aforementioned because it would necessarily put me in a self-incriminating pot calling the kettle black argument.

I, Craven Morehead, believe that when Godless Bastard makes such statements HE’S mocking religion, but even though I hold the EXACT same opinion of other world religions (in cowardly refusal to answer simple yes or no questions), I get to sidestep the same label that I paint upon him (e.g. a fool who will eventually see the truth).

Instead of answering these fair and reasonable questions, I, Craven Morehead, habitually obfuscate by (a) declaring with decidedly convenient certainty that Godless Bastard’s questions are the manifestation of god’s influence in his life, (b) claiming to know Godless Bastard’s future understanding of what I claim to be truth [a feat that only I, Craven Morehead, and an all-knowing god could pull off], and (c) subtly yet patently feigning non-offense to Godless Bastard’s query by encouraging him to do what I know he will do anyway (i.e. “Keep posting Sir, it gives me hope for you.”).

I’ll respect your duality as long as it’s wrapped in honesty. All you have to do is admit what we all know anyway. Just come out and say it, for the truth shall set you free! I promise, it stings for only a second. Here, I’ll help you out. Just copy and paste: “I know the truth, and anyone who doesn’t believe as I do is a fool.”

You and I are the same in this respect. The only difference is that I’m not afraid to say it.

But keep obfuscating, Sir Morehead. It gives me hope for you. You can run from intellectual honesty for only so long.

I’ll be here all week.

G.B.

“I contend we are both atheists, I just believe in one fewer god than you do. When you understand why you dismiss all the other possible gods, you will understand why I dismiss yours.” – Stephen F Roberts

Suddenly he decided that he no longer wanted to play. The disingenuous prick never wrote another word to me in response to this or anything else. To this day I can assure you that he wants to de-friend my ass – but he can’t. Actually, I rather prefer it this way. He has to chew on my regularly-scheduled god-mocking posts and stew in silence.
 

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